Indlela yokwenza isithandwa sakho ngemuva kokukukhohlisa

Yize sengineminyaka eminingi nesoka lami, ngagcina sengimjolela. Futhi icala lokuqomisana lenza ukuphila kwansuku zonke kube nzima. Lapho ukukopela kuba indaba eshisayo, ngokuvamile kukhulunywa ngobuhlungu obuzwiwa labo abaqoliwe, kodwa empeleni, baningi abakhohlisi abazisola ngezenzo zabo zokukopela. Uma umuntu ekukhohlisa uvele uthule ungasho lutho? Noma ingabe uvuma ngokwethembeka isithandwa sakho?

Uma uqhubeka nokuthula, uma isithandwa sakho sithola ukuthi uyakopela, nobabili nizoba nezingxabano eziqhubekayo futhi ubuhlobo benu bothando buzophela ngokuphazima kweso. Kodwa-ke, uma uvuma ngokuqondile isithandwa sakho, isithandwa sakho singase singakwazi ukubamba intukuthelo yakhe ngokukhashelwa kwakho futhi singase sehlukane nawe ngokushesha ngoba sikholelwa ukuthi ngeke sikuxolele ngokukopela. Uma ukutshela uzolahlekelwa yikho konke, kodwa noma ungasho, isithandwa sakho singathola ukuthi uyajola. Futhi, ngaphambi kokuba isithandwa sakho sazi ngendaba yakho, uzozizwa unecala elinamandla nsuku zonke, futhi ngeke ube nenketho ngaphandle kokuqhubeka nokuphila impilo yakho ngaphandle kokuzizwa ukhululekile. Wonke umuntu ufuna ukuphuma ekucindezelekeni ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngakho-ke, kusukela manje kuqhubeke, lapho ukhohlisiwe, sizokwethula indlela yokuxazulula inkinga yokukopela, ukuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho bothando obukhona, futhi uphinde uthole ukwethenjwa kwesithandwa sakho.

Okufanele ukwenze uma ukhohlisa

Hlola isizathu sokukopela

Kwesinye isikhathi uke wakhohlisa umuntu, kodwa ungazi ukuthi kungani ukhohlisa. Uma unesifiso esinamandla sokuqomisana, futhi ungasizwa ngokujulile isifiso sakho sokuqomisana, ayikho indlela ozozizwa uzisola ngayo, ``Ngakukhohlisa!'' Ngakho-ke, ngemva kokukopela, udinga ukukhumbula isimo ngaphambi nangemva kokukopela, futhi ucacise isizathu sokuthi kungani ukhohlise.

Uma kuziwa ekukopeleni, kuvame ukwenzeka ngenxa yokuthi umlingani ujabule, udakiwe, noma usesimweni esingavamile. Ngakho-ke, ngemva kokuphuma othandweni, umuntu oqole angase azizwe enecala futhi azisole. Abantu abaningi bazizwa bedangele ngemva kokucabanga, ``Kwakuwukushela obekungagwenywa ukube bazithiba, kodwa benza ubugebengu obungenakuthethelelwa ngoba abakwazanga ukumelana nesilingo noma ukukhuthazwa kwesikhashana...''

Ukubuyisela inkumbulo yodaba lwakho akulungile emqondweni wakho, kodwa kungasiza uma uvuma izimo zokuthandana kwakho nesithandwa sakho. Uma utshela isithandwa sakho imininingwane yokuthandana kwenu futhi ucela intethelelo, ugcizelela ukuthi ``ulawulwa yimizwa yesikhashana,` `ukuziphatha okungalawuleki,`` kanye ``nobudlelwano besikhathi esisodwa,'' futhi welaphe ukukopela. njengokuthi ``iphutha'' kunokuba ``isifiso.'' kufanele kube. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokwazisa umlingani wakho ngecala lakho nokuzisola iwukuchaza ngokuningiliziwe ukuthi kungani umkhohlisile.

Zama ukuxazulula inkinga yamanje yokukopela

Uma uke wakhohlisa, kufanele uzame ukugwema ukukopela okwesibili ngangokunokwenzeka. Okufanele ukuqaphele ngokukhethekile ukuthi ngemva kokukopela, abanye abantu banomuzwa onamandla wokuba necala, ngakho bathethelela ukuziphatha kwabo kokukopela futhi bakholelwa ukuthi akulona iphutha labo. Uma ungawavumi awakho amaphutha, kufanele ukwazi ukukhulula elinye icala lokukopela, kodwa ungaba umkhohlisi, ukope ngokuphindaphindiwe, futhi ube umuntu omubi ohlukumeza isithandwa sakho emva komunye. Uma ungafuni ukuba yilolo hlobo lomuntu, kungcono ukuxazulula inkinga yokukopela manje.

Uma kuwukuqoma kanye nje, kufanele ukwazi ukumncenga ukuthi ahlukane futhi anqamule konke ukuxhumana nawe njengoba ubungenabudlelwano bothando kwasekuqaleni. Kodwa-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi omunye umuntu angaba nesithakazelo sokuthandana nawe futhi abeke ugibe lokukopela ngamabomu, ngakho-ke qaphela uma lokho kwenzeka, futhi uma nihlukana ngaphandle kwemvume, kunengozi yokuthi omunye umuntu uzoshicilela izithombe zakho ozikhohlisayo. kukhona. Ngakho-ke, kuhlakaniphe kakhudlwana ukuqeda ubuhlobo bokukopela ngokusebenzisa inkokhelo yokudilizwa.

Indlela yokwenza isithandwa sakho ngemuva kokukukhohlisa

Isikhathi sokuvuma isithandwa sakho

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uthini, kufanele uvume ukuziphatha kwakho kokukhohlisa kwisithandwa sakho, uxolise futhi ucele intethelelo. Uma ungakwenzi lokhu ngeke ukwazi ukulisusa icala olizwayo ngokukopela, futhi ngeke ukwazi ukugwema ingozi yokuthi isithandwa sakho sithole ishende lakho ngaphandle kokwazi futhi uthukuthele. . Ngaphambi kokuba inkinga yokukopela iholele emphumeleni omubi kakhulu, kuyadingeka ukunciphisa umonakalo obangelwa ukukopela ngangokunokwenzeka.
Kodwa-ke, isikhathi sokuvuma isithandwa sakho sibalulekile. Uma ubuhlobo benu sebuvele bubhidlika, kungenzeka ukuthi isithandwa sakho silahlekelwe imizwa ngawe futhi singase sikhathazeke ngokungathembeki kwakho. Ngaleso sikhathi, uma utshela isithandwa sakho ngokuqondile ngezimo zendaba yenu, maningi amathuba okuthi isithandwa sakho sikuthathe njengethuba lokuhlukana nawe. Uma izinto zingahambi kahle phakathi kwenu nobabili, kungathiwa yisiteji lapho amathuba amaningi okukopela, ngakho-ke kungcono nithuthukise ubudlelwano benu kunokuba nivume ukukopela.

Amaphuzu okufanele uwakhumbule lapho uvuma isithandwa sakho

(1) “Ngeke ngiphinde ngikopele.”

Ngemva kokuchaza ukuthi kungani ekopelile, uyafunga ukuthi ngeke aphinde, abeke icala ngamaphutha akhe, abonise ukuzisola okugculisayo, futhi ekugcineni acele intethelelo. Ngemva kokuqinisekisa ukuvuma kwakho okuqotho kanye nesimo sakho sengqondo ngokukopela, umngane wakho omuhle uzophinde acabangele ubuhlobo benu bothando futhi anqume ukuthi ubuzoqhubeka yini noma cha.

(2) “Ngifuna ukuba nawe isikhathi eside”

Kunzima kakhulu ukubuyisela ukwethenjwa osekulahlekile ngenxa yokukopela, ngakho-ke ngaphambi kokuvuma uthando lwakho, kufanele uzame ukuthoba inhliziyo yesithandwa sakho ngokusho izinto ezinjengokuthi ``Nguwe wedwa'' kanye nokuthi ``Uyintandokazi yami. .'' Khona-ke, kuthiwani ngokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho, ukusula isifiso sakho sokukopela, nokuveza isifiso sakho sobuhlobo besikhathi eside? Lokhu kuzokwandisa amathuba akho okuthola isithandwa sakho ukuthi sikuxolele.

Ukwenza ngcono ubudlelwano bakho ngokulungisa isithandwa sakho esikhathini esizayo

Ukwakha kabusha ubudlelwano kudinga ukulungisa udaba. Kusukela manje, bonisa ubuqotho bakho bothando ngokubonisa uthando lwakho, ukuthumela izipho, ukuhamba ndawonye. Uma ucabanga ukuthi awukwazi ukwethenjwa ngemuva kokuthandana kwakho kokuqala, ungavimbela isithandwa sakho ukuthi singaphinde sikukhohlise ngokubeka umthetho wakhe, njengokuthi "ungaphinde uphuze utshwala." Nokho, indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvimbela ukukopela ukugcina isibopho esijulile phakathi kwenu nobabili.

Ngisho noma usuyisigqila sokukopela, ikhona indlela yokuyelapha.

Ngemva kokukhohlisa umuntu, akuvamile ukuba ahlakulele umkhuba wokukopela futhi akuthole kunzima ukubekezelela ukungakwazi ukwenza kanjalo. Ngemva kokunikezela esilingweni sokukopela, ungase ungakwazi ukubuyela empilweni yakho evamile evamile. Nokho, ngisho noma usuyisigqila sokukopela, kufanele ukwazi ukukulungisa uma nobabili nizikhandla. Ake sifunde ukulawula imizwelo yethu ukuze sibambe izifiso zethu zesikhashana.