Kuyini ukunamathela kokugwema ukwesaba?

Ukunamathela kokugwema ukwesaba kungenye yezitayela ezine zokunamathisela zabantu abadala. Abantu abanalesi sitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile banesifiso esinamandla sobudlelwane obuseduze, kodwa abathembi abanye futhi besaba ukusondelana.

Ngenxa yalokho, abantu abanamathele okugwema ukwesaba bavame ukugwema ubudlelwano ababufisayo.

Lesi sihloko sibuyekeza umlando wethiyori yokunamathisela, iveza izitayela ezine zokunamathisela zabantu abadala, futhi ichaza ukuthi ukunamathiselwa kokugwema okwesabekayo kukhula kanjani. Iphinde ichaze ukuthi ukunamathiselwe kokugwema okwesabekayo kubathinta kanjani abantu futhi kuxoxisane ngokuthi abantu bangabhekana kanjani nalesi sitayela sokunamathiselwe.

Umlando wetiyori yokunamathiselwe

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Bowlby sashicilela ithiyori yakhe yokunamathisela ngo-1969 ukuze achaze isibopho izinsana nezingane ezincane ezakha nabanakekeli bazo. Wasikisela ukuthi ngokusabela, abanakekeli banganikeza izingane umuzwa wokulondeka, futhi ngenxa yalokho, zingahlola umhlaba ngokuzethemba.
Ngawo-1970, uzakwabo ka-Bowlby uMary Ainsworth wanweba emibonweni yakhe futhi wakhomba amaphethini amathathu okunamathiselwe ezingane, echaza izitayela zokunamathisela ezivikelekile nezingavikelekile.

Ngakho-ke, umbono wokuthi abantu bangena ezigabeni ezithile zokunamathisela wawuwukhiye womsebenzi wezazi ezanweba umbono wokunamathisela kubantu abadala.

Imodeli yesitayela sokunamathiselwe sabadala

U-Hazan noShaver (1987) babe ngabokuqala ukucacisa ubudlelwano phakathi kwezitayela zokunamathisela zezingane kanye nabantu abadala.

Imodeli yobudlelwano bezigaba ezintathu ka-Hazan noShaver

U-Bowlby waphikisa ngokuthi abantu bathuthukisa amamodeli okusebenza obudlelwano bokunamathiselwe phakathi kwasebuntwaneni obugcinwa impilo yonke. Lawa mamodeli asebenzayo anethonya endleleni abantu abaziphatha ngayo futhi bahlangabezane nobudlelwano babo babantu abadala.

Ngokusekelwe kulo mbono, u-Hazan noShaver bakha imodeli eyahlukanisa ubudlelwano bothando babantu abadala baba izigaba ezintathu. Kodwa-ke, le modeli ayizange ifake isitayela sokunamathisela esesabekayo-sokugwema.

Imodeli ka-Bartholomew ne-Horowitz yezigaba ezine zokunamathiselwe kwabantu abadala

Ngo-1990, u-Bartholomew no-Horowitz bahlongoza imodeli yezigaba ezine zezitayela zokunamathisela zabantu abadala futhi bethula umqondo wokunamathiselwe kokwesaba nokugwema.

Ukuhlukaniswa ngezigaba kuka-Bartholomew no-Horowitz kusekelwe enhlanganisela yamamodeli amabili asebenzayo: ukuthi sizizwa sifanelwe yini ukuthandwa nokusekelwa nokuthi sinomuzwa wokuthi abanye bangathenjwa futhi batholakale.

Lokhu kubangele izitayela ezine zokunamathisela zabantu abadala, isitayela esisodwa esivikelekile, nezitayela ezintathu ezingavikelekile.

isitayela sokunamathisela sabantu abadala

Izitayela zokunamathisela ezishiwo nguBartholomew noHorowitz yilezi:

ivikelekile

Abantu abanesitayela esivikelekile sokunamathisela bakholelwa ukuthi bafanelwe uthando nokuthi abanye bathembekile futhi bayasabela. Ngenxa yalokho, nakuba bezizwa bekhululekile ukwakha ubuhlobo obuseduze, bazizwa belondeke ngokwanele ukuba babe bodwa.

I-Priocupide

Abantu abanemibono ecatshangelwayo bakholelwa ukuthi abalufanele uthando, kodwa ngokuvamile banomuzwa wokuthi abanye bayabasekela futhi bayakwamukela. Ngenxa yalokho, laba bantu bafuna ukuqinisekiswa kanye nokuzamukela ngobudlelwano nabanye.

Lokhu Ukugwenywa Kweminyaka

Abantu abanokunamathiselwe kokugwema ukulahla banokuzethemba, kodwa ababethembi abanye. Ngenxa yalokho, bavame ukukubukela phansi ukubaluleka kobudlelwane obuseduze futhi babugweme.

ukugwema ukwesaba

Abantu abanokunamathiselwe kokugwema okwesabekayo bahlanganisa isitayela sokuzikhathaza sokunamathiselwe kokukhathazeka nesitayela sokugwema ukulahla. Bakholelwa ukuthi abathandeki futhi abathembi ukuthi abanye bazobasekela futhi babamukele. Becabanga ukuthi ekugcineni bazolahlwa abanye, bayahoxa ebudlelwaneni.

Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, bafuna ubuhlobo obuseduze ngoba ukwamukelwa abanye kubenza bazizwe bengcono ngabo.

Ngenxa yalokho, ukuziphatha kwabo kungase kudide abangani nabalingani bothando. Bangase bakhuthaze ukusondelana ekuqaleni, bese behlehla ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba njengoba beqala ukuzizwa besengozini ebuhlotsheni.

Ukuthuthukiswa kokunamathiselwe kokugwema okwesabekayo

Ukunamathela kokugwema ukwesaba kuvame ukuvela ebuntwaneni lapho okungenani umzali oyedwa noma umnakekeli ebonisa ukuziphatha kokwesaba. Lezi zindlela zokuziphatha ezihlasimulisayo zingasukela ekuhlukunyezweni okusobala kuye ezimpawini ezicashile zokukhathazeka nokungaqiniseki, kodwa umphumela uyafana.

Ngisho nalapho izingane ziya kubazali bazo zithole induduzo, abazali bayehluleka ukuzinikeza induduzo. Ngenxa yokuthi umnakekeli akanikezi isisekelo esilondekile futhi angase abe umthombo wokucindezeleka enganeni, umfutho wengane ungase ube ukuya kumnakekeli ukuze athole induduzo, kodwa bese uyahoxa.

Abantu abagcina le modeli yokusebenza yokunamathela ekubeni abantu abadala bazobonisa izifiso ezifanayo zokusuka nokuqhela ebuhlotsheni babo bomuntu siqu nabangane, abashade nabo, abalingani, abasebenza nabo, nezingane.

Imiphumela yokunamathisela okwesabekayo/ukugwema

Abantu abanokusondelana okunokwesaba okugwemayo bafuna ukwakha ubudlelwano obuqinile phakathi kwabantu, kodwa futhi bafuna ukuzivikela ekunqatshelweni. Ngenxa yalokho, bafuna ubungane kodwa bagweme ukuzibophezela kwangempela noma basheshe babushiye ubuhlobo uma busondelana kakhulu.

Abantu abanokunamathiselwa okunokwesaba nokugwema bahlangabezana nezinkinga ezahlukahlukene ngoba bakholelwa ukuthi abanye bazobalimaza nokuthi abanele ebudlelwaneni.

Isibonelo, ucwaningo lubonise ukuxhumana phakathi kokunamathiselwe kokwesaba nokugwema nokudangala.

Ngokocwaningo olwenziwa u-Van Buren no-Cooley no-Murphy kanye no-Bates, ukuzibuka okungekuhle nokuzigxeka okuhlotshaniswa nokunamatheliswa kokugwema ukwesaba okwenza abantu abanalesi sitayela sokunamathisela batholakale kalula ekucindezelekeni, ekukhathazekeni komphakathi, kanye nemizwelo engemihle evamile. Kuvele ukuthi kunjalo.

Kodwa-ke, olunye ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi, uma kuqhathaniswa nezinye izitayela zokunamathisela, okunamathiselwe okugwema ukwesaba kubikezela ukuba nabalingani bocansi abaningi impilo yonke futhi maningi amathuba okuba bavume ukuya ocansini olungafunwa.

Ukubhekana nokunamathiselwe kokugwema ukwesaba

Kunezindlela zokubhekana nezinselele eziza nesitayela sokunamathisela sokugwema ukwesaba. Lezi izi:

Yazi isitayela sakho sokunamathiselwe

Uma uhlobana nencazelo Yenanyathiselwa Yokugwema Ukwesaba, funda kabanzi, njengoba lokhu kukunikeza ukuqonda ngamaphethini nezinqubo zokucabanga ezingase zikuvimbele ekutholeni okufunayo othandweni nempilo. Kuwusizo ekufundeni.

Khumbula ukuthi isigaba ngasinye sokunamathiselwe kwabantu abadala sibanzi futhi singase singakuchazi kahle ukuziphatha noma imizwa yakho.

Noma kunjalo, awukwazi ukushintsha amaphethini akho uma ungawazi, ngakho ukufunda ukuthi yisiphi isitayela sokunamathisela esikusebenzela kangcono kuyisinyathelo sokuqala.

Ukubeka nokuxhumana imingcele ebuhlotsheni

Uma wesaba ukuthi uzohoxa ngokukhuluma kakhulu ngawe ngokushesha ebudlelwaneni bakho, zama ukuthatha izinto kancane. Yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi kulula kakhulu ukumvulela isifuba kancane kancane ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Futhi, ngokubatshela lokho okukukhathazayo nokuthi yini ongayenza ukuze uzizwe ungcono, ungakha ubuhlobo obuvikeleke kakhudlwana.

yiba nomusa kuwe

Abantu abanokusondelana kokugwema ukwesaba bangase bacabange kabi ngabo futhi bavame ukuzigxeka.

Kukusiza ukuthi ufunde ukukhuluma wedwa njengoba ukhuluma nabangane bakho. Ngokwenza kanjalo, ungaba nozwelo nokuqonda ngokwakho ngenkathi ucindezela ukuzigxeka.

thola ukwelashwa

Kungase futhi kube usizo ukuxoxa ngezindaba zokunamathela ezigwema ukwesaba nomeluleki noma umelaphi.

Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi abantu abanalesi sitayela sokunamathisela bavame ukugwema ukusondelana, ngisho nabelaphi babo, okungavimbela ukwelashwa.

Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukufuna umelaphi onokuhlangenwe nakho kokwelapha ngempumelelo abantu ngokunamathiselwe kokugwema ukwesaba futhi owazi ukuthi angasinqoba kanjani lesi sithiyo sokwelapha esingaba khona.