Sula ebuhlungwini benhliziyo! Ungakunqoba kanjani ukuhlukumezeka kokuqolwa

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bangamadoda noma abesifazane, bambalwa kakhulu abantu abangalulama ngokushesha ekushayweni kwenhliziyo. Ikakhulukazi uma ulahlekelwa uthando lwakho ngoba othile ukukopela, umuzwa kumele ube buhlungu. Uma inkumbulo yokukhohliswa bese ulahlwa ihlala ijulile enhliziyweni yakho, ukudabuka kwenhliziyo kuyoba buhlungu futhi kuzoba nomthelela omubi empilweni yakho yesikhathi esizayo. Uma nindawonye isikhathi eside, kuzoba nzima nakakhulu ngemva kokuhlukana. Ngaze ngacabanga ukushada, kodwa ekugcineni ngalahlwa ngenxa yomlingani wami owayengiqhatha. Kuyakhungathekisa ngempela.

Manje yini okufanele uyenze ngemva kokulahlwa isithandwa esikhohlisayo? Eqinisweni, noma inhliziyo yakho ibuhlungu, awukwazi ukusho ukuthi konke kuphelile. Sithole okuthile othandweni esilahlekelwe, futhi ukuhlangana okusha nothando kungenzeka kusilindile kusasa. Kusukela manje, ngizokukhombisa ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngemuva kokulahlwa isithandwa esikhohlisayo, nokuthi ungalulama kanjani ekuhlukaneni.

Okufanele ukwenze uma inhliziyo yakho ibuhlungu ngenxa yokukopela komlingani wakho

1. cabanga ngembangela yokukopela

Uma ulahlwa ngenxa yokukopela, abanye abantu bangase bakholelwe ukuthi akulona iphutha labo nakancane. Kodwa-ke, lokhu akusho ukuthi umuntu okhohliswayo uyohlale engenazinkinga. Isithandwa singase sikopele ngoba ubudlelwano bakhe bothando nothando lwakhe lweqiniso abuhambi kahle. Uma ukholelwa ukuthi yonke into iyiphutha lowayeyisithandwa sakho futhi ungalivumi iphutha lakho, ngisho noma uthola isithandwa esisha, ungase ukhohliswe futhi ulahlwe ngesizathu esifanayo. Ngakho-ke, ake sibuyekeze ubudlelwano phakathi kwethu nesithandwa sethu ngokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kobuhlungu benhliziyo.

2. Ukucabanga kabusha ukuthi ubhekana kanjani nokukopela

Ukhethe ukwenzani uma uthola ukuthi uqonyiwe? Ingabe kufanele usole isithandwa sakho ngokukopela noma ukubekezelela? Kufanele uthole umuntu ozothandana naye nikhulume ngakho, noma uvumele isithandwa sakho sinambithe isiphithiphithi phakathi kwenu nobabili? Ngabe benze uphenyo ngokukopela bafaka nezithombe zalaba ababili ababaqomile, noma bashaye indiva abesilisa nabesifazane abebeqhatha bengaboni ukuthi izithandwa zabo beziqhatha nakancane? Kungenzeka ukuthi ulahlwe yisithandwa sakho ebesikukopela ngoba uyisingathe inkinga ngendlela engafanele, ngakho-ke kuzomele uphinde ubhekisise izinyathelo osuzithathile kuze kube manje.

3. Cabangela ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukuthi ukukopela kuyizaba

Abanye abantu bakholelwa ukuthi balahlwa ngenxa yomlingani wabo okhohlisayo ngoba isithandwa sabo sahlukana naye, sisho izinto ezinjengokuthi, ``Ngithole omunye umuntu engimthandayo.' Nokho, kunokwesaba ukuthi ukukopela empeleni kuyizaba, nokuthi ukukopela kungamanga. Ngaleso sikhathi, uma usakhathazekile ngesithandwa sakho, ungazama ukuthola isizathu sokuhlukana.
4. Thatha isinyathelo ngokumelene nesithandwa sakho sangaphambili
Ngilahlekelwe uthando, kodwa ngisenayo inombolo yocingo yesithandwa sami kulabo engixhumana nabo. Izithombe zenu nobabili, ezingabizwa ngezinkumbulo eziyigugu, cishe zisalondolozwe kukhompuyutha noma kumakhalekhukhwini wakho. Kukhona imikhondo eminingi kakhulu yesithandwa sakho sakudala eduze kwakho, ingabe ufuna ukuyisula yonke? Noma usafuna ukuyishiya injalo? Ingabe ufuna ukunqamula konke ukuxhumana nesithandwa sakho kusukela manje kuqhubeke? Noma usafuna ukulondoloza ubudlelwano benu njengabantu enibaziyo ukuze nibuyelane? Ubudlelwano bakho nesithandwa sakho sakudala buzothinta impilo yakho yothando yesikhathi esizayo, ngakho kuwukuhlakanipha ukubuphatha ngokucophelela.

Sula ebuhlungwini benhliziyo! Indlela yokuqeda inhliziyo ephukile

1. zixake ngokunye

Ukuzitika ezintweni zakho ezivamile zokuzilibazisa noma izinto obuhlale ufuna ukuzenza, njengokufunda, ukuthenga, ukupheka, noma ukuhamba, kungakusiza unqobe ubuhlungu bokuhlukana. Ngisho noma into oyithandayo yasekuqaleni kuwuthando, ngenkathi uhlushwa ukwehlukana, zama ukuthola into entsha oyithandayo ukuze ugcwalise ukungabi nalutho enhliziyweni yakho.

2. khuluma nabantu abaseduze kwakho

Kungani ungakhohlwa ngesoka lakho elibi ngokuxoxa nangokuhlanganyela nabangane bakho abakhulu, umndeni, ozakwenu, nabangane bakho abaku-inthanethi? Enye indlela yokuxazulula le nkinga ukukhuluma ngobudlelwano phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane, ukuthola izeluleko zothando, ukukhuluma ngobuhlungu benhliziyo, nokudlulisa imizwa yakho ebuhlungu kwabanye. Uma umuntu okhuluma naye enolwazi oluningi kwezothando, angase akwazi ukukunikeza amathiphu azokusiza othandweni lwakho lwesikhathi esizayo, noma ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokuqolwa.

3. Ngizozama ukukhala

Lapho izinto ziba nzima, indlela ewusizo kakhulu yokuzikhulula ukukhala. Abantu bayakwazi ukuzithulisa nokuthulisa izinhliziyo zabo ngokukhala. Ungaphoxeki uzikhulule ebuhlungwini bokuqhathwa ngezinyembezi. Nokho, akufanele ukhale ngaso sonke isikhathi; uma ukhala kakhulu, uzophathwa yikhanda futhi ungase ube nokucindezeleka.

Ezine. ukuzithuthukisa

Uma ulaxazwe isithandwa esakujolela, ungase uzithole usuphelelwa ukuzethemba, ucabanga ukuthi, ``Angithandeki yini?' angikholwa ukuthi ngingalahlekelwa ngumuntu omubi kanje.'' . Ngaleso sikhathi, ukuze uphinde uthole ukuzethemba kwakho futhi uqhubekele phambili, kungcono uqale ukuzithuthukisa futhi uziqinisekise. Uma uzithuthukisa futhi uzenza uthandeke nakakhulu ngaphandle nangaphakathi, uzoqiniseka ukuthi ngisho noma uqala ubuhlobo obusha, ngeke uphinde ukhohliswe ngenxa yengqondo yakho entsha.

Ezinhlanu. buka isithandwa esisha

Yiqiniso, uma ufuna ukushiya ubuhlobo obuphelile ngenxa yokukopela futhi uqale obusha, udinga ukulungiselela kusengaphambili. Sizophinde sikunikeze izindlela zokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho ngokuthola isithandwa esihle kakhulu esingeke sikukhohlise, futhi sithathe izinyathelo zokuvimbela isithandwa sakho ukuthi singakukhohliseli. Ukuze unqobe ukuhlukumezeka kwenhliziyo, kufanele wenze izinto ezihlukahlukene.

Unganciki kakhulu othandweni phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane

Kubukeka sengathi abantu abaningi manje sebeba ``izilutha zothando,'' abangakwazi ngisho ukuphila ngaphandle kothando futhi bakuthole kunzima ukululama ebuhlungwini benhliziyo. Nokho noma inhliziyo ibuhlungu kodwa lisekhona ikusasa, nakuba kubuhlungu ukulaxazwa kwakho ngoba isithandwa sakho besikuqhathile, ngicela ukholwe ukuthi isikhathi sizoxazulula yonke into. Uma ungakwazi ukuqeda usizi lwakho futhi uzithole usuhlangene, impilo enhle kakhulu ikulindile esikhathini esizayo.