Indlela yokwenza kunye nesithandwa sakho emva kokukuqhatha

Nangona ndineminyaka emininzi ndithandana nomfana wam, ndagqibela ngokumqhatha. Yaye ukuziva unetyala lokuba neqabane lomtshato kwenza ubomi bemihla ngemihla bube nzima. Xa ukukopela kuba ngumxholo oshushu, intlungu efunyanwa ngabo baqhathiweyo kudla ngokuthethwa ngayo, kodwa eneneni, baninzi abaqhathi abazisolayo ngezenzo zabo zokuqhatha. Ukuba umntu uyakuqhatha, uvele uthule ungatsho? Okanye ngaba uvuma ngokunyanisekileyo kwisithandwa sakho?

Ukuba uqhubeka uthule, ukuba isithandwa sakho sifumanisa ukuba uyakopela, bobabini baya kuba neengxabano eziqhubekayo kwaye ubudlelwane bakho bothando buya kuphela ngephanyazo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uvuma ngokuthe ngqo umcimbi wakho kwisithandwa sakho, umthandi wakho akanakukwazi ukuwubamba umsindo wakhe ekungcatshweni kwakho kwaye angahlukana nawe ngokukhawuleza kuba ekholelwa ukuba akanakuze akuxolele ngokukopela. Ukuba uxela, uya kuphulukana nayo yonke into, kodwa nokuba awuxeleli, isithandwa sakho sinokufumanisa ukuba uyaqhatha. Kwakhona, ngaphambi kokuba isithandwa sakho sifumanise malunga nokuthandana kwakho, uya kuziva uziva unetyala yonke imihla, kwaye awuzukuba nandlela yimbi ngaphandle kokuqhubeka nokuphila ubomi bakho ngaphandle kokuziva ukhululekile. Wonke umntu ufuna ukuphuma kuxinzelelo ngokukhawuleza.

Ke ngoko, ukusukela ngoku, xa uqhathiwe, siya kwazisa indlela yokusombulula ingxaki yokukopela, ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho bothando obukhoyo, kwaye ubuyise ukuthembela komthandi wakho.

Yintoni omawuyenze xa uqhatha

Jonga isizathu sokuqhatha

Ngamanye amaxesha uye wamqhatha umntu, kodwa awuyazi ukuba kutheni umqhatha. Ukuba unomnqweno onamandla wokuthandana, kwaye unokuziva ngokunzulu umnqweno wakho wokuthandana, akukho ndlela yokuziva uzisola, ``Ndikuqhathile!'' Ke ngoko, emva kokukopela, kufuneka ukhumbule imeko ngaphambi nangemva kokukopela, kwaye ucacise isizathu sokuba uqhathe.

Xa kufikwa ukukopela, kaninzi kwenzeka ngenxa yokuba iqabane lichulumancile, linxilile, okanye likwimo engaqhelekanga. Ngoko ke, emva kokuphuma emtshatweni, umntu oqhathileyo usenokuziva enetyala aze azisole. Abantu abaninzi baziva bedakumbile emva kokucinga, ``Yayingumcimbi owawunokuphetshwa ukuba babezibambe, kodwa benza ulwaphulo-mthetho olungaxolelekiyo kuba babengenakuxhathisa isilingo okanye ukuvuselela okwexeshana...’’

Ukubuyisela inkumbulo yomcimbi wakho akulunganga engqondweni yakho, kodwa kunokuba luncedo xa uvuma iimeko zomcimbi wakho kwisithandwa sakho. Xa uxelela isithandwa sakho iinkcukacha zomcimbi wakho kwaye ucela ukuxolelwa, ugxininisa ukuba ``ukuphenjelelwa ziimvakalelo zexeshana, ''ukuziphatha okungxamisekileyo,'' kunye "nobudlelwane bexesha elinye," kwaye uphathe ukukopa njengento ``impazamo'' endaweni ``umnqweno.'' mayibe. Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokwenza iqabane lakho lilazi ityala lakho kunye nokuzisola kukuchaza ngokweenkcukacha ukuba kutheni umqhathile.

Zama ukusombulula ingxaki yokukopela yangoku

Ukuba ubuqhathile, kufuneka uzame ukunqanda ukukopela okwesibini kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Into omele uyilumkele ngakumbi kukuba emva kokukopela, abanye abantu baziva benetyala kakhulu, ngoko bayayithethelela indlela abaziphatha ngayo kwaye bakholelwa ukuba asilotyala labo. Ukuba akuzivumi iimpazamo zakho, ufanele ukwazi ukukhulula ubutyala ngokuqhatha, kodwa usenokuba ngumkhohlisi, uqhathe ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kwaye ube ngumntu ombi owenzakalisa isithandwa sakho emva komnye. Ukuba awufuni ukuba ngumntu onjalo, kungcono ukusombulula ingxaki yokukopela ngoku.

Ukuba yinto yexesha elinye, kufuneka ukwazi ukumcenga ukuba ahlukane kwaye aqhawule lonke unxibelelwano nawe kuba ubungekho kubudlelwane bothando ukuqala. Nangona kunjalo, kukho ithuba lokuba omnye umntu abe nomdla wokuthandana nawe kwaye abeke ngabom umgibe wokukopela kuwe, ngoko qaphela xa oko kusenzeka, kwaye ukuba uyahlukana ngaphandle kwemvume, kukho ingozi yokuba omnye umntu uya kupapasha iifoto zakho zokuqhatha kubo. Ngoko ke, kububulumko ukuphelisa ubudlelwane bokukopela ngeendlela ezifana nentlawulo yokuqhawula umtshato.

Indlela yokwenza kunye nesithandwa sakho emva kokukopela kuwe

Ixesha lokuvuma isithandwa sakho

Nokuba ungathini na, kufuneka uvume ukuziphatha kwakho okukopela kwisithandwa sakho, ucele uxolo kwaye ucele uxolo. Ukuba awukwenzi oku, awuyi kukwazi ukulahla ubutyala oziva ngokuqhatha, kwaye awuyi kukwazi ukuphepha umngcipheko wokuba isithandwa sakho sifumanise malunga nomcimbi wakho ngaphandle kokwazi kwaye ube nomsindo. . Ngaphambi kokuba ingxaki yokukhohlisa ikhokelela kwisiphumo esibi kakhulu, kuyimfuneko ukunciphisa umonakalo obangelwa ukukopela kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
Nangona kunjalo, ixesha lokuvuma kwisithandwa sakho libalulekile. Ukuba ubudlelwane bakho sele buphelile, umthandi wakho usenokuba ulahlekelwe iimvakalelo kuwe kwaye unokuba nexhala malunga nokungathembeki kwakho. Ngelo xesha, ukuba uxelele ngokuthe ngqo isithandwa sakho malunga neemeko zobudlelwane bakho, kukho ithuba elikhulu lokuba isithandwa sakho siyakuthatha oku njengethuba lokwahlukana nawe. Xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle phakathi kwenu nobabini, kunokuthiwa inqanaba xa kunokwenzeka ukuba ukukopela, ngoko ke kungcono ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho kunokuba bavume ukukopela yakho.

Amanqaku omele uwakhumbule xa uxela isithandwa sakho

(1) “Andisokuze ndiphinde ndiqhathe.”

Emva kokuchaza isizathu sokuba aqhathe, uye enze isifungo sokuba akasayi kuphinda, abekek’ ityala ngeempazamo zakhe, abonakalise ukuzisola okuqinisekileyo, aze ekugqibeleni acele uxolo. Emva kokuqinisekisa ukuvuma kwakho ngokunyanisekileyo nesimo sengqondo sakho ngokukopa, umhlobo wakho wokwenene uya kuluqwalasela kwakhona ulwalamano lwenu lothando aze agqibe kwelokuba niqhubeke okanye ningaluqhubeki nolwalamano lwenu.

(2) “Ndifuna ukuba nawe ixesha elide”

Kunzima kakhulu ukubuyisela ukuthenjwa okuthe kwalahleka ngenxa yobuqhetseba, ke ngaphambi kokuba uvume uthando lwakho, kuya kufuneka uzame ukuyithuthuzela intliziyo yesithandwa sakho ngokuthetha izinto ezinje, ``Nguwe wedwa'' kwaye ``Nguwe endimthandayo. .'' Emva koko, kuthekani ngokuphucula ubudlelwane bakho, ukucima umnqweno wakho wokukopela, kunye nokuvakalisa umnqweno wakho wobudlelwane bexesha elide? Oku kuya kwandisa amathuba akho okufumana isithandwa sakho ukuba sikuxolele.

Ukuphucula ubudlelwane bakho ngokulungisa isithandwa sakho kwixesha elizayo

Ukwakha kwakhona ubudlelwane kufuna ukulungiswa komcimbi. Ukususela ngoku, bonisa ukunyaniseka kothando lwakho ngokubonisa uthando lwakho, ukuthumela izipho, ukuhamba kunye. Ukuba ucinga ukuba awukwazi ukuthenjwa emva kokuthandana kwakho kokuqala, unokuthintela umthandi wakho ukuba aphinde akhohlise ngokuphinda abeke umgaqo, njengokuthi "ungaphinde usele utywala." Nangona kunjalo, eyona ndlela yokuthintela ukukopa kukugcina ubuhlobo obunzulu phakathi kwenu nobabini.

Nokuba unokuba likhoboka lokukopela, ikho indlela yokuyinyanga.

Emva kokukopela umntu, akuqhelekanga ukuba bahlakulele umkhwa wokukopela kwaye bakufumanisa kunzima ukunyamezela ukungakwazi ukwenza oko. Emva kokunikezela kwisilingo sokuqhatha, usenokungakwazi ukubuyela kubomi bakho obuqhelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, nokuba unokuba likhoboka lokukopa, kufuneka ukwazi ukuyilungisa ukuba nobabini nizamile. Masifunde indlela yokulawula iimvakalelo zethu ukuze sithintele iminqweno yethu yokwexeshana.