Yintoni umlutha wothando?

Yintoni umlutha wothando?

Ukukhotyokiswa luthando yimeko apho umntu aphuhlisa ukuncamathela okungafanelekanga kunye nokunyanzeliswa kwiqabane lothando.

Ukuwela eluthandweni yimvakalelo entle ukuba wonke umntu ufanele ukuba namava. Ukuba nomntu omthandayo nothandwayo yinto enqwenelwa phantse ngumntu wonke. Kodwa ukuba sothandweni kunokuzibonakalisa ngeendlela ezingafanelekanga. Ngenxa yoko, abanye abantu baziphatha ngendlela engaqhelekanga nezingekho ngqiqweni ezinokuba yingozi kubo nakwabo babathandayo.

Abantu abaneziyobisi zothando bakufumanisa kunzima ukwenza nokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo. Nangona iqhele ukubonwa kubudlelwane bothando, umlutha wothando unokwenzeka nakwezinye iindlela zobudlelwane. Oku kunokwenzeka kubudlelwane nabahlobo, abantwana, abazali, okanye abanye abantu.

Abantu abanolu hlobo lokukhotyokiswa badla ngokuba nemilinganiselo engekho ngqiqweni kunye nolindelo lothando. Ukuba ayihlangatyezwanga, iya kuyenza mandundu imeko.

Kuhlala kuxoxwa ukuba umlutha wothando akufanele uhlelwe njengesifo sengqondo. Nangona kunjalo, abanye bakholelwa ukuba abantu abanesi sifo ngokwenene bafumana iimpawu ezibuthathaka.

Bahlala benobudlelwane obungenampilo kwiqabane labo kwaye bazame ukubalawula. Njengezinye izilingo, abantu abanothando lweziyobisi banokubonisa ukuziphatha kunye nokubongoza abangenako ukulawula. Nangona kunjalo, ngonyango olufanelekileyo kunye nenkathalo, unokufunda kwakhona ukuziphatha okungenampilo kunye nesimo sengqondo malunga nothando kwaye ufunde indlela yokwenza unxibelelwano oluphilileyo, olunothando.

Iimpawu zokulutha kothando

Umlutha wothando ujongeka ngokwahlukileyo ngokuxhomekeke emntwini. Olona phawu luqhelekileyo lokukhotyokiswa luthando kukuncamathela okungenampilo komnye umntu, kwaye umntu uzibandakanya nokuziphatha okugqithisileyo, njengokufowuna rhoqo okanye ukubhuqa.

Ukukhotyokiswa luthando kudla ngokuzibonakalisa ngezi ndlela zilandelayo:

• Ukuziva ulahlekile kwaye woyisiwe xa iqabane lakho lingekho
• Ukuziva uxhomekeke kakhulu kwiqabane lakho
• Ukubeka ubudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho ngaphezu kwazo zonke ezinye ubudlelwane bomntu ebomini bakho, ngamanye amaxesha ukungahoywa ngokupheleleyo kobunye ubudlelwane bomntu kunye nosapho kunye nabahlobo.
• Emva kokuba inkanuko yakhe yothando yaliwe, uyadandatheka aze anamathele kwisithandwa sakhe.
• Bahlala befuna ubudlelwane bothando, nakubantu abacinga ukuba abalungelanga kubo.
• Ndihlala ndiziva ndidakumbile xa ndingenaqabane okanye ndingathandani.
• Ubunzima bokushiya ubudlelwane obungenampilo okanye obuyityhefu.
• Ukwenza izigqibo ezimbi ezisekelwe kwiimvakalelo onazo kwiqabane lakho okanye isithandwa sakho (umzekelo, ukuyeka umsebenzi wakho, ukusika ubudlelwane kunye nosapho lwakho).
• Ucinga ngeqabane lakho okanye isithandwa sakho kangangokuba kuphazamisa ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla.

Zininzi nezinye iimpawu zokukhotyokiswa luthando endingase ndingazikhankanyanga ngasentla. Oku kungenxa yokuba iimpawu ziyahluka kakhulu kwaye umntu ngamnye uvakalisa iimvakalelo ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Indlela umntu akhetha ngayo ukuveza iimvakalelo zakhe ibonakala kwiimpawu zakhe.

Iimpawu zokukhotyokiswa luthando nazo ziyahluka ngokobuqatha. Ezinye iimpawu zinokubonakala zingenabungozi, njengokufowuna rhoqo, kodwa ezinye ziyingozi ngakumbi, njengokulandela umntu othandana naye okanye ukukhawulelana nomntu onxibelelana naye.

Indlela yokuqonda ukuba likhoboka lothando

Ukukhotyokiswa luthando ayisosifo sengqondo esiqatshelwe yi-Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders.

Kubekho ingxoxo-mpikiswano kwizangqa zonyango kunye noluntu malunga nokuba le meko kufuneka ichazwe njengesigulo sengqondo sokwenyani. Oku kwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuchonga kunezinye izigulo zengqondo ezisekiweyo.

Ukuba wena okanye umntu omaziyo unomlutha wothando, thetha nogqirha wakho ngayo. Basenokukuthumela kwi-psychotherapist enokuthi iqhube uthotho lweemvavanyo kwaye ikubuze uthotho lwemibuzo ukufumanisa ukuba ukukhotyokiswa luthando yindlela efanelekileyo yokucinga ngeengxaki zakho.

Izizathu zokulutha kothando

Uphando oluthe kratya luyafuneka ukuze uqonde ukukhotyokiswa luthando kwaye uchonge ngokulula oonobangela kunye nezinto ezibangelayo. Uphando olukhoyo lubonisa ukuba izinto ezahlukeneyo, ezinje ngokwenzakala kunye nemfuza, zinokubangela ukukhula kokukhotyokiswa luthando.

Uphando lukwabonisile ukuba kukho unxibelelwano phakathi kolonwabo oluba nalo xa usemathandweni kunye nolonwabo olufunyanwa ngabantu abasebenzisa izinto ezifana necocaine notywala.

Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukufana kwindlela abantu abathandana ngayo nabo bangamakhoboka eziyobisi abaziphatha ngayo. Omabini la maqela anokufumana ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo, ukuphoxeka, ukuziva uphantsi, ukuthabatheka, ukunyanzeliswa, kunye nokuphelelwa ukuzeyisa. Xa usothandweni, ingqondo yakho ikhupha izithunywa zekhemikhali eziziva zilungile njenge-dopamine. Iipateni ezifanayo zenzeka ekusebenziseni kakubi iziyobisi kunye nokukhobokisa.

Ezinye izizathu ezaziwayo zokulutha uthando ziquka:

• Ukujongana nemiba eshiywe kwixesha elidlulileyo
• ukuzijongela phantsi
• Ukhe waxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwesondo kwixesha elidlulileyo.
• Ngaba wakha wafumana ubudlelwane obubuhlungu?
• Ukoyisa ukwenzakala kwasebuntwaneni
• Unyango lokukhotyokiswa luthando

Ukunyanga umlutha wothando kunzima. Oku kungenxa yokuba ayisosifo sengqondo esivunyiweyo kwihlabathi jikelele, kwaye ukuxilongwa kunye nonyango luhlala luxhomekeke kugqirha okanye ingcali. Umlutha wothando unokusondelwa njengawo nawuphi na omnye umlutha. Uphando oluthe kratya luyafuneka ukuze kubonwe ukuba iyasebenza kangakanani na i-psychotherapy ekunyangeni umlutha wothando.

Unyango lokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT) luqhele ukusetyenziswa ukunyanga umlutha. Kwi-CBT, ugqirha usebenza nawe ukutyhila iipatheni zokucinga eziyingxaki ezikhokelela ekuziphatheni okukhobokisayo.

Ngenxa yokuba umlutha wothando awubonwa njengesigulo sengqondo, okwangoku akukho mayeza aqhelekileyo asetyenziselwa ukunyanga. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba imeko yakho ihambelana nenye ingxaki, efana nokuxhalaba okanye ukudandatheka, ugqirha wakho unokukunika amayeza okunyanga iimpawu ze-co-occurring disorder.

Uphando lukwabonisa ukuba kwezinye iimeko zokukhotyokiswa luthando, oogqirha banokumisela ii-antidepressants kunye ne-mood stabilizers ukujongana neempawu zoxinzelelo kunye nokungabinamdla.

Indlela yokujongana nokulutha kothando

Enye yezona zinto zinzima malunga nokujongana nekhoboka lothando kukuvuma ukuba unengxaki.

Abantu abaninzi abaneziyobisi zothando abanakuqonda ukuba kutheni ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo ezigqithisileyo kwiqabane labo okanye imbangi yothando kuyingxaki.

Ukuba ubona iimpawu zokulutha kothando, thetha nomboneleli wakho wezempilo ngokukhawuleza. Ngonyango olufanelekileyo kunye nenkathalo, unokuqalisa ukufumana iindlela eziphilileyo zokubonisa uthando lwakho.

Ukuba uphuhlise umlutha wothando, nazi iingcebiso zokukunceda umelane nemeko yakho ngelixa ufuna uncedo.

• Funda ukuba wedwa. Ukuba awunalo iqabane lothando ngexesha lokuxilongwa, inokuba yinto efanelekileyo ukuthatha ixesha lokuchitha ixesha uwedwa. Fumana izizathu kunye nezinto ezibangela ukuba likhoboka lakho, wenze inkqubela phambili kunyango, kwaye emva koko uqale ubudlelwane obutsha.
• Qaphela iipateni eziphindaphindayo. Abantu abaneziyobisi zothando babonisa iipatheni ezifanayo zokuziphatha kulo lonke iqabane lothando. Jonga emva kubudlelwane bakho obudlulileyo kwaye ubone ukuba kukho iipateni ezifanayo.
• Tyala imali kuwe Ukuthatha ixesha lokuzikhulisa yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuzithanda. Xa ukhotyokiswe luthando, usoloko uzityeshela wena neminqweno yakho.
• Thembela kubahlobo nakusapho. Inokukunceda ukwabelana ngomzabalazo wakho nesi sifo nabo bakuthandayo nabakukhathaleleyo.
• Joyina iqela lenkxaso. Eyona nto iqinisekisayo ngokuphila naso nasiphi na isigulo kukwazi ukuba awuwedwa kwaye bakho nabanye abatyhubela ingxaki efanayo. Xa ujoyina iqela lenkxaso, udibana nabantu abanjalo. Usenokuthetha nabantu aboyisileyo.

ukuququmbela

Ukuba ucinga ukuba unokuba likhoboka lothando, yazi ukuba awuwedwa. Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba iingcali zempilo yengqondo zinokukunceda ufunde ukuba nobudlelwane obunempilo kunye nawe kunye nabanye.