Yintoni omawuyenze xa ucinga ukuba awukwazi ukuxolela ukukopela / ukungathembeki kwesithandwa sakho

Xa ufumanisa ukuba ukhohlisiwe, unokufumana kunzima ukukholelwa ukuba umthandi wakho uye wangcatsha, kwaye usenokungakwazi ukulawula usizi kunye nomsindo. Andikwazi ukuxolela isithandwa sam ngokundiqhatha, kodwa ndingenza ntoni ukukhulula umsindo wam? Yingxaki abantu abaninzi abasokola ngayo.

Nokuba awukwazi ukuxolela ukukopela, ukuze ujongane nayo ngempumelelo, kufuneka uqale uzolile kwaye ucinge ngokucokisekileyo malunga nokukhetha kwakho kwikamva. Ngokufuthi unokuyibona ezindabeni malunga nokungathembeki. Xa abafazi befumanisa ukuba abayeni babo bayaqhatha, abanye abafazi baye babhenele kugonyamelo, kwizisongelo, okanye bade bacebe ukuziphindezela kwabo baqhathiweyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uthatha amanyathelo aqatha ukusombulula umcimbi, unokuzifumana ukwimeko engalunganga. Ndiyayiqonda impembelelo yeemvakalelo yokungcatshwa, kodwa ukukopa kufuneka kusingathwe ngononophelo.

Ngoku, emva kokuba ingqondo yakho izolile, makhe sicinge ngokulungiselela ikamva. Ungahlukana nomntu okuqhathe ngqo? Okanye, emva kokumohlwaya nge-alimony, ngaba ufuna ukuba angabi sathandana okanye adibane nawe? Indlela yokuqhatha ayifani kumntu nomntu, ngoko ke isicombululo kuko siyahluka kumntu nomntu.

Gqiba ngendlela yokuqhuba ngokuxhomekeke kwimeko

Abanye abantu basenokuvakalelwa kukuba abanakuze balixolele iqabane labo xa lifumanisa ukuba liye laqhathwa, kodwa abafanele benze izinto ngokungxama de bayazi inyaniso. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, kungcono ukugqiba indlela yokujongana nayo ngokusekelwe kwisizathu sokuba umthandi wakho ekopela. Ngaba isithandwa sakho sikukhohlise ngenxa yomnqweno wesini? Okanye ngaba nathandana ngenxa yokunyanzelwa ngomnye umntu? Ukuzingca kubalulekile njengonobangela wokukopela. Ngale nto, unokuqinisekisa umnqweno womthandi wakho wokuthandana, kwaye uqikelele izenzo zakhe zexesha elizayo.

Enye ingongoma yokugqiba ngexesha lokuhlalutya ukuba ngaba awunalo ityala lokukopela. Lityala leqabane lakho lokukopela, kodwa unobangela wokukopela usenokuba ngamazwi nezenzo zakho, okanye ukuswela kwakho isini okanye ukubeka phambili umsebenzi. Xa kukho umntu okuqhathayo, kuya kuba bubulumko ukucinga oku, ‘Ngaba ngokwenene ndim obekekileyo?’’ uze ujonge intsapho yakho nolwalamano lwakho lothando ngendlela ephangaleleyo kangangoko kunokwenzeka.

Emva kokuphonononga isiganeko sokukopela kunye nobudlelwane bothando phakathi kwezi zibini, yenza ukhetho lwakho.

Ukusuka "Andikwazi ukuxolela" ukuya "Ndiya kuxolela ukuba ucela uxolo."

Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba abanakuxolela, kodwa xa bebona omnye umntu ecela uxolo kodwa ezigxeka kakhulu ngezono zakhe yaye kubuhlungu, abanye abantu bayachukumiseka baze baxolele. Abantu abaye baqhathwa banokuba nomsindo kwaye babe buhlungu kungekhona ngenxa yokuba beqhathiwe, kodwa ngenxa yokuba omnye umntu wayebaqhatha, kodwa bacinga ukuba izenzo zabo ziphosakele kwaye abazimisele ukucinga kunye nokucela uxolo. Xa ucinga ukuba awukwazi ukusixolela isithandwa sakho ngokukuqhatha, cinga ukuba awukwazi ukumxolela nokuba ucela uxolo ngendlela efanelekileyo. Mhlawumbi ngesimo sengqondo sokuziva unetyala kunye nokuzisola ngenxa yokukopela komthandi wakho, unokusombulula iimvakalelo zakho ezibuhlungu.

Ukusuka "andinakuxolela" ukuya "ndinokuxolela, kodwa kufuneka ndilungise"

Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba, ``Ukuba ndixolela umntu ngokukopela, kuya kuba ngathi akuzange kwenzeke, ngoko andinako ukumxolela.' Enyanisweni, enye indlela yokwenza oku kukuxelela umthandi wakho ukuba uyamxolela ngokukopela, kwaye kwangaxeshanye uchaze iimeko zakho kwaye uzame ukuphucula ubomi bakho bothando. Oku kusenokugqalwa njengembuyekezo ngentlungu yokuqhathwa. Unokwenza imithetho kunye nezithembiso, ubathengele izipho, okanye ubacele ukuba bahambe nawe. Njengomntu oqhathiweyo, ungangenisa iminqweno yakho njengoko ufuna.

Andikwazi ukuxolela

Into omele uyilumkele kukuba ukuthi “andikwazi ukuxolela” akufani “nokuqhawula umtshato”. Kukho iimeko apho awukwazi ukuxolela iqabane lakho kodwa uqhubeke nobudlelwane bakho bothando. Nangona kunjalo, kuloo meko, ukuthembana phakathi kwabo babini sele kuphelile, kwaye nokuba ufuna ukuphinda uvuselele ubudlelwane bothando, awuyi kukwazi ukubuyisela iimvakalelo zokuqala zothando.

Ngokukodwa, ukuba umthandi wakho akacingi ukuba ukukopela yinto enkulu kwaye akakwazi ukwaneliseka ngothando lwakho yedwa, kukho umngcipheko omkhulu wokuba uya kuphinda aqhathe kwakhona kwixesha elizayo ngaphandle kokuba atshintshe ingqondo. Ngoko ke, ukuba awukwazi ukuvuma ukuba iqabane lakho likuqhathile ngokwenene, ungakhetha ukuhlukana okanye ukuqhawula umtshato.

Musa ukwahlukana nje, wohlwaya ukukopela

Ukuba awukwazi ukuwucombulula umsindo wakho ngokusuka nje wahlukane nomntu, kutheni ungamohlwayi ngokumohlwaya ngenxa yezono zakhe kunokuba umshiye nje? Kunokwenzeka ukuba upapashe isiganeko sokukhohlisa kunye nokudala ingxoxo yoluntu, kwaye kwimeko yobudlelwane obukrexezayo, kunokwenzeka ukuba ufune i-alimony kwiqabane elikhohlisayo kunye noqhawulo-mtshato oluvela kumthandi.

Kakade ke, ukuze ibango imbuyekezo ngenxa yobudlelwane, kuya kufuneka ukuba ube nobungqina bomcimbi, ngoko ukuze uqinisekise ukuba bobabini bakrexezile, kuyimfuneko ukuphanda umcimbi ngokujonga i-akhawunti yabo ye-LINE okanye ukuthatha imifanekiso ye-akhawunti. Indawo yomcimbi Kubalulekile ukwenza oku.

Nje ukuba niwusombulule umba wokukopela, nobabini kufuneka nikuphephe ukunxibelelana ukusuka ngoku ukuya phambili, kwaye nicime naluphi na unxibelelwano kwiLINE okanye ngefowuni. Njengoko ixesha lihamba, iimvakalelo ziya kuphola kwaye ubuhlobo bothando ngokwemvelo buya kunyamalala ngaphambi kokuba wazi.

Kutheni le nto “ingenakuxoleleka”?

Ngaba uva intlungu xa iqabane lakho likungcatsha kwaye likuqhatha nomnye umntu, ngoko awukwazi ukumxolela? Okanye awukwazi ukuxolela isithandwa sakho ngenxa yokuba awukwazi ukwamkela ukuba wakhetha iqabane elikhohlisayo elibi kunawe? Abanye abantu abayithandi kuba izinto zabo zithathwa ngabanye. Nokuba utsho nje ukuba ukukopa akwamkelekanga, izizathu ziyahluka kumntu nomntu. Ukuqhathwa lithuba lokuqonda iimvakalelo zakho ngokunzulu.