Indlela yokwenza umtshato ovulelekileyo uphumelele

Vula u-Maria wayekhe wathathwa njenge-taboo, kodwa ngoku i-4-9% yabo bonke abafazi.

Abantu abatshatileyo basenokucinga ngokuvula imitshato yabo. Kweli nqanaba, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthatha amanyathelo ambalwa ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho bube yimpumelelo.

Kweli nqaku, siza kuchaza ukuba yintoni umtshato ovulelekileyo, indlela yokubeka imida, kunye nento omawuyenze xa ugqiba ekubeni uvule ubuhlobo bakho neqabane lakho.

Yintoni umtshato ovulelekileyo?

Umtshato ovulekileyo luhlobo lwe-ethics non-monogamy (ENM). Ngokungafaniyo nezinye iintlobo ze-ENM, ezifana ne-polyamory, efuna ukuseka amaqabane ongezelelweyo ngaphakathi kobudlelwane, umtshato ovulekileyo ugxile kuphela kunxibelelwano lwezesondo lwangaphandle.

Nangona izibini zinokuqinisekisa ukuba kulungile ukuphishekela uxhulumaniso lwezothando kunye neemvakalelo ukongeza kunxibelelwano lwezesondo, isitshixo kumtshato ovulekileyo (okanye naluphi na ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo) kukuba: Kuthetha ukubeka phambili ubudlelwane bakho obuphambili ngaphezu kolunye unxibelelwano.

uphando

Ukuba sele ulifundile eli nqaku, sele uwathabathile amanyathelo okuqala ayimfuneko ukuze umtshato wakho ovulelekileyo uphumelele. Kodwa kukho amanyathelo angakumbi onokuwathabatha ukuze uqonde iingenelo neziphumayo zomtshato ovulelekileyo.

Nazi ezinye iindlela zokufumana malunga ne-Open Maria.

Thenga ezinye iincwadi ezithetha ngalo mbandela yenza. Funda iincwadi ezithetha ngalo mbandela, ezifana neVula:Vula: Uthando, iSex, kunye noBomi kuMtshato oVulekileyo nguJenny Block okanye uBomi oBonwabileyo kuBudlelwane obuVulekileyo:Isikhokelo esiBalulekileyo kuBomi obuBusempilweni noBuzalisekisayo bothando obungenaqabane elinye nguSusan Wenzel. funda incwadi.

enye Thetha nabantu. Ukuba uyazi isibini esivulelekileyo kuyo, masithethe.

ebonakalayo Fumana iqela Fumana amaqela asekuhlaleni okanye adityanisiweyo eentlanganiso zezibini ezivulelekileyo zomtshato.

Khuphela ipodcast Mamela iipodcasts malunga nomtshato ovulelekileyo, kubandakanya "Ukuvula: emva kwemiboniso yomtshato wethu ovulekileyo" kunye "nomtshato weMonogamish."

Qinisekisa ukuba yile nto niyifunayo nobabini

Nje ukuba wena neqabane lakho niqonde ngokupheleleyo kwaye nikhululekile ngombono womtshato ovulelekileyo, kufuneka nixoxe ngawo omnye nomnye ukuze nibone ukuba ilungile na kuni. Ayinakusebenza ngaphandle kokuba umntu omnye ekhwele ngokupheleleyo.

Emva kokuba nithethile ngayo, ukuba omnye wenu okanye nobabini aniqinisekanga enoba ukuvula umtshato wenu linyathelo elifanelekileyo, kusenokuba luncedo kuni nobabini ukuthetha nogqirha.

Unokufuna ukufumana umnyangi oqinisekisa imodeli yobudlelwane obungeyo-monogamous.

yabelana ngeenjongo zakho

Ngoku, emva kokuba wenze uphando lwakho kwaye uqinisekile ukuba ukuqala umtshato wakho lukhetho olufanelekileyo kuwe, lixesha lokunxibelelana ngeenjongo zakho.

Zonke izinto zomtshato ovulelekileyo zifuna unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo kunye neqabane eliphambili. Eli nyathelo liya kukunceda ukuba ube nomkhwa wokuthetha ngobudlelwane bakho rhoqo.

mamela kwaye uqinisekise into ethethwa ngomnye umntu

Ngumxholo omtsha, ngoko ke kufanele ukuba unika umdla. Ke ngoko, unokufuna ukuthetha kakhulu ngeenjongo zakho. Nangona kunjalo, eli lixesha elifanelekileyo lokufunda indlela yokumamela nokumqinisekisa omnye umntu.

Xa omnye umntu ebonisa into ethile, kuyasebenza ukuvuma ngento ethi "Ndikuvile uthi ..." kwaye ushwankathele oko ucinga ukuba omnye umntu uthe. Oku kufuneka kube yindlela emacala amabini, kwaye iqabane lakho kufuneka limamele kwaye liqinisekise into oyithethayo malunga neenjongo zakho.

thatha isigqibo malunga nenjongo

Nje ukuba wabelane ngento oyifunayo kule ndlela intsha yokuziphatha, kubalulekile ukuba nivumelane nobabini. Ukuba umntu unenjongo aze omnye angabelani ngayo, izinto aziyi kuhamba kakuhle.

Ekuqaleni, uya kufuna ukunciphisa iinjongo zakho ukuya kwinto ovumelana nayo, nokuba oko kuthetha ukuba ayisiyiyo yonke into oya kuyifumana kweli lungiselelo litsha.

Nje ukuba wenze isigqibo ngeenjongo zakho, kuyasebenza ukuba uqinisekise omnye komnye ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Ukuba omnye wenu akakhumbuli kakuhle, kusenokuba licebo elihle ukubhala phantsi usukelo enivumelene ngalo.

Ukuseka imithetho kunye nemida

Eli nyathelo elilandelayo mhlawumbi lelona libaluleke kakhulu kuzo zonke (ngaphandle kokubambelela ngokwenene kwimithetho kunye nemida eniyidalileyo kunye, kunjalo).

Ukuze umtshato ovulelekileyo uphumelele, nobabini kufuneka nisebenzisane ukuze nigqibe ngemithetho eqinisekisa ukhuseleko lomnye engqondweni nasemzimbeni.

ukhuseleko lomzimba

“Ukhuseleko ngokwasemzimbeni” apha lineentsingiselo ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Apha, siza kwazisa indlela yokwenza ukuba kwenzeke kunye.

• Ukwabelana ngesondo okukhuselekileyo. Gqiba ukuba ngawaphi amanyathelo okhuseleko eniya kuwathatha wena neqabane lakho ngexesha nasemva kokwabelana ngesondo nabanye.
• indawo yokuhlala. Ngaba ndingangenisa elinye iqabane endlwini? Ungandixelela ukuba uhlala phi? Kwezi meko, wena neqabane lakho kufuneka nivumelane ngento eniya kuyenza ngekhaya lakho.
• imida ngokwasemzimbeni. Gqiba kwangaphambili ukuba yeyiphi imisebenzi esondeleyo onokuyenza okanye oya kukwazi ukuyenza nabanye ngenxa yomntu wonke. Okanye anilali nobabini nje? Ngaba wena neqabane lakho niyathetha okanye hayi ngaphambi kokuba nithandane nomntu omtsha? Oku kufuneka kumiselwe kwangaphambili.

umda weemvakalelo

Njengoko kukhankanyiwe ngasentla, u-Open Marias uhlala exabisa unxibelelwano lwangaphandle lomzimba kunezothando okanye iimvakalelo. Kodwa kukuwe kunye neqabane lakho ukuba uthathe isigqibo malunga nokuba yintoni na kwaye ayivumelekanga ngelixa udibanisa nomnye umntu.

Le yimibuzo esifuna ukuyiphendula kunye.

• Ngaba uthumela i-imeyile okanye ufowunele abantu odibana nabo kwaye uncokole nabo?
• Ngaba siya kuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" kwamanye amaqela ezopolitiko?
• Ngaba ndinokwabelana nabanye ngolwazi olusenyongweni ngomtshato wam?

ixesha lokutyala imali

Ukuphumeza oku, kubalulekile ukuba nobabini nigqibe ukuba lingakanani na ixesha eniza kulichitha nabanye. Abanye abantu banokubona abantu rhoqo ebusuku, abanye kube kanye ngonyaka, kwaye abanye phakathi.

Chaza ukuba umntu ngamnye ufuna kangakanani okanye awufuni kunxulumana nabantu abangaphandle kobudlelwane benu, kwaye nivumelane ngexesha elibonakala lifanelekile kuni nobabini.

ukungena rhoqo

Unxibelelwano neqabane lakho alupheli xa uqalisa ukuthandana nomnye umntu!

Ukungena akufuneki kuhlale kuyindlela yonyango-incoko yasekhaya. Ungajonga naphi na apho unokuziva unxibelelwano phakathi komyeni nenkosikazi, njengendawo yokutyela okanye ipaki.

Zibeke phambili iimfuno zeqabane lakho

Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ubumnandi kangakanani nabanye, kufuneka uhlale ukhumbula ukubaluleka kobudlelwane benkosi kunye nenceku.

Kusenokubakho amahla-ndinyuka njengoko omnye wenu esiba nemincili ngomntu omtsha, okanye omnye wenu aqhawuke. Nangona kunjalo, kukho iimeko apho sinikezela kubudlelwane obuphambili njengoko kuyimfuneko ukuze siqinisekise impumelelo yayo, njengaxa umntu omthandayo egula.

Usuku lokuzalwa lomlingane wakho, iiholide, ukutya kosapho, ukuqeshwa kogqirha okubalulekileyo, kunye nokuziphatha komntwana yimizekelo yaxa kufuneka ubeke phambili iqabane lakho kubudlelwane besibini.

Imitshato evulekileyo ayisiyiyo eyona modeli ilula yobudlelwane, kodwa abantu abaninzi bayifumana ivuza kakhulu. Ezi zixhobo ziya kukubeka endleleni eya empumelelweni.

ukuququmbela

Ngoxa umtshato ovulelekileyo unokuba lukhetho oluhle kwisibini, awufanele usetyenziselwe ukuzama ukusindisa umtshato. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba umtshato wakho uza kuqhawula umtshato, kukho iindlela ezininzi ezingcono, kuquka iingcebiso zezibini. Ukuvula umtshato wakho kuya kuyenza nzima imeko esele inzima.