Nui nā kumu i lōʻihi ʻole ai ke aloha. ʻO ke kumu nui o ka pau ʻole o ka pilina, ʻo ia ka pau ʻana o ka hilinaʻi, ke kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻole, ka mahalo ʻole, nā mea mua ʻē aʻe, a me ka pilina haʻahaʻa.
Ma kēia ʻatikala, e wehewehe mākou i ke kumu e hiki ai i kēlā me kēia ke kumu o ka hoʻopau ʻana i kahi pilina.
lilo o ka hilinai
ʻO kekahi o nā manaʻo kumu e pono ai no ka pilina kanaka maikaʻi ʻo ia ka manaʻo palekana. Inā ʻaʻohe ou kākoʻo noʻonoʻo a manaʻo paha ʻaʻole hiki ke hilinaʻi ʻia kāu hoa pili, e nalowale paha ʻoe i ka hilinaʻi.
Inā maopopo ʻole a paʻakikī paha kāu hoa pili, he kumu ia e hopohopo ai. ʻAʻole paʻa nā pilina kanaka i kūkulu ʻia ma luna o ka hilinaʻi.
wahahee
Eia kekahi laʻana, e ʻōlelo mākou ua ʻike ʻoe ua wahaheʻe kāu hoa. Hiki i nā wahaheʻe ke loaʻa nā hopena ikaika. He wahaheʻe keʻokeʻo paha, a he wahaheʻe paha i ʻōlelo ʻia e pale i ka mea wahaheʻe? He liʻiliʻi pinepine ka wahaheʻe keʻokeʻo, akā he hopena koʻikoʻi ka wahaheʻe maoli.
na makemake a pau
Inā ʻoe me kahi hoa paʻa loa, e nīnau iā ʻoe iho, "He mea olakino paha kēia?" Ke hoʻokaʻawale nei kāu hoa iā ʻoe mai nā hoaaloha a nānā mau paha iā ʻoe? ”
ʻAʻole kēia he hōʻailona o ka hilinaʻi ʻana o kekahi iā ʻoe. E haʻi iā ʻoe iho ʻaʻole kēia he pilina olakino.
Huāhuā
ʻO kahi lili liʻiliʻi he olakino a hōʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu kekahi i kekahi. Akā inā ʻoi aku ka manaʻo o kekahi a hōʻike i nā hōʻailona o ka lili pathological, he mau hae ʻulaʻula kēia.
moe kolohe
Inā manaʻo ʻoe e hoʻopunipuni ana kāu hoa, manaʻo paha ʻoe ua haki ke kumu o ka mea āu i kūkulu pū ai. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hilinaʻi hou i kēia kanaka. ʻO lākou ka mea āu i manaʻo ai?
ʻAʻole paha e mau ka pilina pili i ka hilinaʻi ʻole a piha i ka wahaheʻe, ka lili, a me ka hoʻomaloka.
nele i ke kamaʻilio
Inā ʻoe e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka papa manawa o kāu mau keiki a i ʻole kāu papa inoa hana i ka hopena pule, ua lilo kāu kamaʻilio ʻana i ka transactional. Pono ke kamaʻilio olakino i nā kumuhana like ʻole.
ʻOiai ke kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻoe, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ke kūʻē. ʻAʻole hiki ke ʻae ʻia ka paio, akā aia nā ala e hoʻokele ai me nā mākau kamaʻilio kūpono. Pono e hoʻopiha ʻia ka kamaʻilio ʻana me ka empathy, ka hoʻomaopopo, a me ka hoʻolohe ikaika. ʻO ka mea pōʻino, paʻakikī nā kāne he nui ke kamaʻilio me kēia ala.
He mea kūʻē paha ia, akā ʻo nā kāne e haʻaheo nei no ka hakakā ʻole, ʻaʻole ia he mea maikaʻi. Hōʻike pinepine ia i nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua e pale aku i ka hakakā. ʻAʻole lākou makemake e hoʻoluliluli a hoʻopuka i nā pilikia paʻakikī.
ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o nā kāne e ʻimi i nā ala e hōʻike ai a kūkākūkā i ko lākou mau pilikia ma mua o ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻole.
I loko o kahi noiʻi hou, ua kālailai nā kānaka ʻepekema i ke ʻano o ke kamaʻilio ʻana a nā kāne. Hōʻike kēia ʻano i ka wā e koi ai kekahi hoa pili a i ʻole e ʻōlelo ana e pili ana i kekahi mea, pale ka hoa ʻē aʻe i ka hakakā a hoʻi hope.
Ua ʻike ʻia kēia haʻawina i ka piʻi ʻana o ka pilikia kālā, piʻi pū kēia ʻano koi / withdrawal. Eia kekahi, ua hoʻopili pū ʻia me ka ʻoluʻolu haʻahaʻa o ka male. Eia naʻe, ʻo ka hopena hoihoi, ʻo nā kāne i loaʻa ka manaʻo mahalo a me ka mahalo i lanakila i kēia pilikia kamaʻilio.
ka mahalo ole
Kū'ē pinepine nā kāne i nā pilikia likeʻole, aʻo nā pilikia kālā ke kumu o ka kū'ē'ē. Malia paha he mea hoʻolimalima kekahi a he mālama kālā kekahi. ʻAʻole pili ka pilikia ma ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka hoʻolilo ʻana a me ka mālama ʻana i ke kūʻē ʻana, akā ma ke ʻano o ke kūkākūkā ʻana i ke kālā.
No laila, i ka wā e hakakā ai ʻoe no ke kālā a i ʻole kekahi mea ʻē aʻe, he mea nui e noʻonoʻo pehea e hana ai kekahi ʻaoʻao i kekahi. ʻO kāu hoa he mea āu e mahalo ai? Ua hoʻohenehene paha ʻoe? A i ʻole, e hoʻohaʻahaʻa paha kāu hoa iā ʻoe, e ʻōwili i ko lākou mau maka, a e hoʻowahāwahā loa iā ʻoe? He hōʻailona kēia ʻaʻole ʻoe e mahalo kekahi i kekahi.
ʻO ka poʻe psychologists kaulana a me ka poʻe loea e pili ana i ka paʻa ʻana o ka male a me ka hiki ke hemo ke manaʻo i ka hoʻowahāwahā ʻo ia ka mea luku nui loa o ka pilina. Ua ʻōlelo ʻia hoʻi ʻo ka hoʻowahāwahā ka mea wānana nui loa o ka hemo ʻana.
Inā hoʻomāʻewaʻewa kou hoa pili iā ʻoe, he ʻino iā ʻoe, a he ʻino paha iā ʻoe, he hōʻailona ia o ka hoʻopailua. ʻO kēia nele o ka manaʻo maikaʻi a me ka mahalo e hiki ke hoʻopau i nā ʻāʻī i ka pilina.
ʻOkoʻa i nā mea mua
Inā ʻike ʻoe he ʻokoʻa loa nā manaʻo aloha a me nā pahuhopu ola o kāu hoa i kēia manawa a lōʻihi paha ma mua o ʻoe, e hoʻomaka paha kāu pilina e wehe.
nā pahuhopu pili like ʻole
Loaʻa paha iā ʻoe nā mea nui e pili ana i ka pilina. No ka laʻana, ma hope o hoʻokahi mahina o ka launa pū ʻana, makemake paha kahi kāne make make e kākau i kahi huakaʻi leʻaleʻa me ʻoe a haʻalele i ka makau. Akā ua mākaukau paha ʻoe e hoʻolauna i kou aloha i kou ʻohana i nā lā hoʻomaha e hiki mai ana a hoʻomaka i kahi ala koʻikoʻi.
nā pahuhopu ola like ʻole
Malia paha he mau pahuhopu lōʻihi ko ʻolua no ka wā e hiki mai ana. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻokaʻawale i ka manawa e kamaʻilio ai, e huhū paha ʻoe i ka ʻike ʻana he ʻokoʻa nā moemoeā a me nā pahuhopu o kāu hoa.
No ka laʻana, makemake paha ʻoe e ʻimi i kahi ʻoihana koʻikoʻi ma ke kūlanakauhale no nā makahiki ʻelima e hiki mai ana. ʻO kāu hoa, ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, makemake e noho a hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana ma ke kula i ka makahiki aʻe.
Inā ʻae ʻoe a ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hauʻoli i ka ʻimi ʻana i hoʻokahi ala, e pōʻino ana kou pilina.
ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o nā pahuhopu ʻokoʻa ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ua pau kou pilina. Eia kekahi laʻana, hiki i kāu mau pahuhopu ke hoʻololi i nā pahuhopu o nā mea'ē aʻe.
ʻO kahi noiʻi hou i paʻi ʻia ma The Journals of Gerontology i noiʻi i ka pilina o nā pahuhopu male. Ua ʻike ʻia kahi haʻawina o 450 mau hoa kāne lōʻihi e hoʻoikaika kekahi i kekahi i ka wā e pili ana i kā lākou pahuhopu. He hana paha kēia e paʻa ai ka pilina.
Eia naʻe, mai hilinaʻi i ka hoʻohuli ʻana i ke kanaka ʻē aʻe ma ke ʻano he hopena. Inā makemake kekahi o ʻoukou i nā keiki a ʻaʻole loa kekahi, a i ʻole makemake kekahi o ʻoukou e noho ma ke ʻano he kikohoʻe a makemake kekahi e hānau keiki a makemake kekahi e hānau keiki a hiki i ka wā ʻelemakule a me ko lākou lauoho. hina. Inā makemake ʻoe e noho ma ke kaiāulu, ʻaʻole paha kēia no ʻoe. Aia paha kekahi mea kūpono iā ʻoe.
ʻAʻole lawa ka moekolohe a me ka pilina
Ua kapa ʻia ʻo Oxytocin i kekahi manawa he "hormone aloha" a i ʻole "cuddle agent." Ke pūliki mākou, hoʻopā, honi, a hōʻike i ke aloha i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, hoʻokuʻu ko mākou kino i ka hormone oxytocin. Hoʻonui pū ʻia ka oxytocin me nā haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa haʻahaʻa a me nā manaʻo o ka maikaʻi.
Hoʻopilikia pinepine ka pilina i ka wā e liʻiliʻi ai ka paʻi ʻana o nā kāne a ua hoʻonui ʻia kēia nele o ka paʻi ʻana e nā ʻano kamaʻilio liʻiliʻi.
Hiki ke paʻakikī ka pilina i kekahi manawa inā makemake ʻole kāu hoa i ka moekolohe. Hiki ke hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka pilina a me ka hopena i ka haʻihaʻi.
He mea koʻikoʻi ka moekolohe no nā pilina. Wahi a kahi noiʻi hou, ʻo ka awelika o ka poʻe mākua e moe i hoʻokahi manawa i ka pule. Nui nā pōmaikaʻi o ka loaʻa ʻana o ka moekolohe. Loaʻa kēia i nā pono noʻonoʻo, noʻonoʻo, a me ke kino.
He aha ka mea e mau ai ka pilina?
Ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia kahi polopeka pili ma luna o 1,100 mau haʻawina e pili ana i ke aloha. I ka hana ʻana pēlā, ua ʻike mākou i nā hoʻolālā maikaʻi e kōkua i ka hoʻomau ʻana i ka pilina.
Ua ʻike ʻo ia i ka mea hoʻokahi e mālama ai i nā kāne mai ka haʻihaʻi ʻana a ʻo ia ka hōʻailona o nā pilina maikaʻi: nā hoa aloha e mahalo i kā lākou mau hoa ma ka mua. Ma kēia mau pilina, hoʻoponopono maikaʻi nā hoa i ka hakakā a mālama pono i nā mea e pono ai ko lākou hoa. Ma nā pilina maikaʻiʻole,ʻo kaʻaoʻao'ē aʻe kaʻoiaʻiʻo.
i ka hopena
Nui nā kumu i lōʻihi ʻole ai ka pilina. Akā ʻo nā kumu nui o kona haki ʻana he mau pilikia o ka hilinaʻi, kamaʻilio, mahalo, nā mea nui, a me ka pilina. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻohe pilina maikaʻi, akā inā manaʻo ʻoe ua ʻoi aku ka ʻeha ma mua o ka maikaʻi, ʻo ia paha ka manawa e loiloi hou ai i kāu pilina. Inā makemake ʻoe a me kāu hoa e hoʻoikaika i kāu pilina, e noʻonoʻo e hoʻopili i kahi lāʻau lapaʻau kāne no ke kākoʻo hou aku.
