Ua manaʻo ʻia ʻo Open Maria he kapu, akā i kēia manawa he 4-9% o nā wahine a pau.
Manaʻo paha ka poʻe male e wehe i kā lākou male. I kēia manawa, he mea nui e hana i kekahi mau hana maʻalahi e holomua ai kāu pilina.
Ma kēia ʻatikala, e wehewehe mākou i ke ʻano o ka male wehe, pehea e hoʻonohonoho ai i nā palena, a pehea e hana ai inā hoʻoholo ʻoe e wehe i kāu pilina me kāu hoa.
He aha ka mare hamama?
ʻO ka male wehe kahi ʻano o ka ethical non-monogamy (ENM). ʻAʻole like me nā ʻano ENM ʻē aʻe, e like me ka polyamory, ka mea e ʻimi nei e hoʻokumu i nā hoa hou i loko o ka pilina, ʻo ka male wehe ma ke ʻano maʻamau e nānā wale i nā pilina o waho.
ʻOiai hiki i nā kāne ke hōʻoia i ka maikaʻi o ka hahai ʻana i nā pilina pili aloha a me nā manaʻo ma waho aʻe o ka pili ʻana i ka moekolohe, ʻo ke kī i ka male ākea (a i ʻole kekahi pilina ākea) ʻo ia: ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻokumu i kāu pilina mua ma mua o nā pilina ʻē aʻe.
noiʻi
Inā ua heluhelu ʻoe i kēia ʻatikala, ua hana mua ʻoe i nā ʻanuʻu mua e pono ai e kūleʻa i kāu male ākea. Akā, aia kekahi mau ʻanuʻu e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hana e hoʻomaopopo i ka ins a me waho o kahi male wehe.
Eia kekahi mau ala e ʻike ai e pili ana iā Open Maria.
E kūʻai i kekahi mau puke e pili ana i ke kumuhana hana. E heluhelu i nā puke e pili ana i ke kumuhana, e like me Open: Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage na Jenny Block a i ʻole A Happy Life in an Open Relationship: The Essential Guide to a Healthy and Fulfilling Nonmonogamous Love Life na Susan Wenzel. heluhelu i ka puke.
ʻē aʻe E kamaʻilio me nā kānaka. Inā ʻike ʻoe i kekahi kāne e wehe ana iā ia, e kamaʻilio kāua.
makamaka E ʻimi i kahi hui E ʻimi i nā hui hui kūloko a i ʻole nā hui hui no nā kāne male wehe.
download podcast E hoʻolohe i nā podcast e pili ana i ka male wehe, me ka "Opening Up: behind the scenes of our open marriage" a me "The Monogamish Marriage."
E hōʻoia ʻo ia kā ʻolua makemake
Ke hoʻomaopopo a ʻoluʻolu ʻoe a me kāu hoa pili i ka manaʻo o ka male ākea, pono ʻoe e kūkākūkā me kekahi i kekahi e ʻike inā kūpono ia iā ʻoe. ʻAʻole e holo inā ʻaʻole hoʻokahi kanaka ma luna o ka moku.
I ka manawa āu i kamaʻilio ai no ia mea, inā maopopo ʻole kekahi a ʻelua paha ʻoe inā ʻo ka wehe ʻana i kāu male ʻana ke ala kūpono, pono paha ʻolua e kamaʻilio me ke kauka.
Makemake paha ʻoe e ʻimi i kahi mea lapaʻau e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ana i ke ʻano hoʻohālike pili ʻole monogamous.
kaʻana like i kāu mau pahuhopu
I kēia manawa, ma hope o kāu hana ʻana i kāu noiʻi a maopopo ʻoe ʻo ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kāu male ʻo ia ka koho kūpono iā ʻoe, ʻo ia ka manawa e kamaʻilio i kāu mau pahuhopu.
Pono nā mea a pau o ka male ākea e kamaʻilio me ka hoa mua. E kōkua kēia ʻanuʻu iā ʻoe e kamaʻilio pinepine e pili ana i kāu pilina.
e hoʻolohe a hōʻoia i ka ʻōlelo a kekahi
He poʻomanaʻo hou ia, no laila e hoʻohauʻoli. No laila, makemake paha ʻoe e kamaʻilio nui e pili ana i kāu mau pahuhopu. Eia naʻe, he manawa maikaʻi kēia e aʻo ai pehea e hoʻolohe ai a hōʻoia i ka mea ʻē aʻe.
Ke kuhikuhi nei kekahi i kekahi mea, pono ke hoʻomaopopo ʻia me kekahi mea e like me "Ua lohe au iā ʻoe e ʻōlelo ana..." a hōʻuluʻulu i kou manaʻo i ʻōlelo ʻia e kekahi. He alanui ʻelua ʻaoʻao kēia, a pono hoʻi kāu hoa e hoʻolohe a hōʻoia i kāu mea e ʻōlelo ai e pili ana i kāu mau pahuhopu.
hoʻoholo i kahi pahuhopu
Ke kaʻana like ʻoe i kāu mea e makemake ai mai kēia ʻano hou, he mea nui e ʻae ʻolua. Inā loaʻa ka pahuhopu a kekahi kanaka, ʻaʻole e holo.
I ka wā mua, makemake ʻoe e hōʻemi i kāu mau pahuhopu i ka mea āu e ʻae ai, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia wale nō kāu e loaʻa ai mai kēia hoʻonohonoho hou.
Ke hoʻoholo nei ʻoe i kāu mau pahuhopu, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana iā lākou me kekahi i kekahi. Inā maikaʻi ʻole ka hoʻomanaʻo ʻana o kekahi o ʻoukou, he mea maikaʻi paha ke kau ʻana i nā pahuhopu i ʻaelike ʻia ma ke kākau ʻana.
Hoʻokumu i nā lula a me nā palena
ʻO kēia kaʻina aʻe paha ka mea nui loa o nā mea a pau (koe ka pili ʻana i nā lula a me nā palena āu i hana pū ai, ʻoiaʻiʻo).
I mea e kūleʻa ai ka male ākea, pono ʻolua e hana like e hoʻoholo i nā lula e hōʻoia i ka palekana o ka noʻonoʻo a me ke kino.
palekana kino
He mau manaʻo like ʻole ka "palekana kino". Ma ʻaneʻi, e hōʻike mākou pehea e hana pū ai.
- Nā hana moe kolohe. E hoʻoholo i nā mea palekana e mālama ai ʻoe a me kāu hoa i ka wā a ma hope o ka moekolohe ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
- wahi noho. Pono au e lawe i kekahi hoa hou i loko o ka hale? Hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻi iaʻu i kou wahi e noho ai? I kēia mau hihia, pono ʻoe a me kāu hoa e ʻae i ka mea e hana ai me kou home.
- palena kino. E hoʻoholo ma mua i nā hana pili i hiki iā ʻoe ke hana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe no ka pono o kēlā me kēia. A i ʻole ʻoe e hōʻole i ka moe kolohe ma waena o ʻolua wale nō? Ke kamaʻilio nei ʻoe a me kāu hoa ma mua o ka launa pū ʻana me kahi kanaka hou? Pono e hoʻoholo i kēia mau mea ma mua.
palena manaʻo
E like me ka mea i ʻōlelo ʻia ma luna, hoʻomaikaʻi pinepine ʻo Open Marias i nā pilina kino o waho ma mua o nā mea aloha a i ʻole nā mea pili. Akā, iā ʻoe a me kāu hoa e hoʻoholo ai i ka mea e ʻae ʻia a ʻaʻole i ʻae ʻia i ka wā e pili ana me kekahi kanaka.
He mau nīnau kēia a mākou e makemake ai e pane pū.
- E leka uila a kelepona paha ʻoe i nā poʻe āu e hālāwai ai a kamaʻilio pū me lākou?
- E ʻōlelo anei mākou "Aloha au iā ʻoe" i nā ʻaoʻao politika ʻē aʻe?
- Hiki iaʻu ke kaʻana like i ka ʻike pili pili i koʻu male ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe?
hoʻolimalima manawa
No ka hoʻokō ʻana i kēia, pono ʻolua e hoʻoholo pū i ka nui o ka manawa āu e hoʻolilo ai me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Hiki i kekahi poʻe ke ʻike i nā kānaka i kēlā me kēia pō, hoʻokahi manawa i ka makahiki, a ma waena kekahi.
E hōʻike i ka nui o kāu makemake a makemake ʻole paha e launa pū me nā poʻe ma waho o kāu pilina, a e ʻae i kahi manawa i kūpono no ʻolua.
komo mau
ʻAʻole pau ka kamaʻilio ʻana me kāu kāne ke hoʻomaka ʻoe e launa pū me kekahi!
ʻAʻole pono ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i nā kamaʻilio ʻana ma ka home i nā manawa a pau. Hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i nā wahi a pau āu e ʻike ai i ka pilina ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine, e like me ka hale ʻaina a i ʻole kahi paka.
E hoʻokahua i nā pono o kāu kāne
No ka nui o kou leʻaleʻa me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, pono ʻoe e hoʻomanaʻo mau i ke koʻikoʻi o ka pilina haku-kauwa.
Aia paha nā piʻi a me nā haʻahaʻa i ka wā e hauʻoli ai kekahi o ʻoukou i kahi mea hou, a i ʻole ua haki kekahi o ʻoukou. Eia nō naʻe, aia kekahi mau kūlana kahi e hoʻopaneʻe ai mākou i ka pilina mua e like me ka mea e pono ai e hōʻoia i kona kūleʻa, e like me ka wā e maʻi ai kahi mea aloha.
ʻO ka lā hānau o kāu hoa, nā lā hoʻomaha, nā meaʻai ʻohana, nā koho koʻikoʻi o ke kauka, a me ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana i nā keiki he mau laʻana ia o ka wā e pono ai ʻoe e hoʻomua i kāu kāne ma mua o ka pilina lua.
ʻAʻole ʻo ka male wehe ke kumu hoʻohālike maʻalahi loa, akā nui ka poʻe i ʻike i ka maikaʻi loa. Na kēia mau mea hana e hoʻokomo iā ʻoe ma ke ala i ka holomua.
i ka hopena
ʻOiai he koho maikaʻi ka mare ākea no nā kāne, ʻaʻole pono e hoʻohana ʻia e hoʻāʻo e mālama i kahi male. Inā manaʻo ʻoe e hele ana kāu male no ka hemo ʻana, nui nā koho maikaʻi aʻe, me ka ʻōlelo aʻo ʻana i nā kāne. ʻO ka wehe ʻana i kāu male e hoʻopili wale i kahi kūlana paʻakikī.
