Even if you're not alone, you can feel lonely sometimes. Even if you're married, you can still feel lonely.
Loneliness is a subjective state of mind in which one feels isolated and separated from others, even though one wishes to have more contact with society. Rather, what matters is how we feel connected to others. If you've ever felt lonely in a crowd, you'll understand that being surrounded by people doesn't necessarily make you feel lonely.
Even if you spend time with your spouse, it's impossible to say that you won't feel lonely even when you're there. These feelings can leave your loved one feeling empty, unwanted, and misunderstood.
According to a 2018 study from AARP, it's not uncommon to be lonely even when you're married. Nearly 33% of married people over 45 say they feel lonely.
In this article, we'll explain why some married people are lonely, and what you can do to combat feelings of loneliness in your marriage.
Signs of being lonely even though you're married
Living with others does not cure loneliness. Because we feel connected to our spouse, we don't feel isolated or alone in our relationships. Signs you may be feeling lonely in your marriage include:
I feel lonely even when I'm with you. I feel like there is a gap that I don't know what to do with.
You don't talk. Perhaps you feel like your spouse is not interested in what you have to say. Or maybe you just don't feel like sharing the details of your day with your partner. Either way, the lack of communication leads to feelings of isolation and disappointment.
Looking for reasons to avoid your spouse. This may involve working late, finding something to keep you busy away from your partner, or simply scrolling through social media and avoiding interaction with your partner.
Have little or no sex. Your relationship not only lacks emotional intimacy, it also lacks physical intimacy.
All of these factors contribute to feeling lonely in a marriage. Sometimes only one person is affected, but more often both partners can feel isolated and disconnected from their partner.
Being alone vs. being lonely
Remember that loneliness is different from loneliness. Even if I'm alone, I don't feel lonely. They may also feel isolated or emotionally abandoned even when they spend time with their spouse. While taking time for yourself is good for your mental health, it's also important to know what you can do when you feel lonely.
Why are people lonely even when they are married?
Research shows that feelings of loneliness have increased in recent years. A 2018 Pew Research Center study found that people who were dissatisfied with their home lives were more likely to report feeling lonely.
There are many factors that can lead to loneliness in a marriage.
work and family . One of the most common reasons married couples feel like they are drifting apart is due to pressure from home or work. The two of you are busy juggling childcare, work, and other commitments, and it can feel like two nocturnal ships. Because couples spend less time together, they may often feel that the distance between them and their partner is shrinking.
stressful event Difficult events that couples face together can cause rifts in the relationship. Stressful and traumatic events can put a strain on even the strongest relationships, but they can be even more difficult when they magnify or expose weaknesses in your marriage. Losing your job is made more difficult if you feel that your spouse is unsupportive or unsympathetic. In these cases, even after the stressful event is resolved, you may feel abandoned and alone.
unrealistic expectations . Your feelings of loneliness may have more to do with other unmet needs than your spouse. For example, if relationships outside of the marriage are not going well, a woman may come to expect that her spouse will meet all of her social needs. It's understandable to feel frustrated because you're looking to your spouse to meet needs that they can't reasonably expect to meet.
of vulnerability lack. Not complaining to your partner can also lead to feelings of isolation. This means that those closest to you do not know the personal and intimate details of your life. If you don't talk about your deeper emotions, like your dreams and fears, it's more difficult to feel understood and connected to your spouse.
Comparison with social media Making unrealistic comparisons to relationships seen on social media can also contribute to feelings of loneliness. A 2017 study also reported that people who spend more time on social media sites experience more feelings of loneliness.
This increased sense of loneliness has likely been exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic. Over the past two years, many people's social circle has narrowed, putting a lot of pressure on many couples.
Whereas before, we had other relationships to fulfill our social needs, the pandemic has meant that we often have to rely on our spouses to fulfill all of these roles. Therefore, if her partner is unable to meet all of these demands, she may feel that she does not receive the support she needs.
Loneliness in marriage can be caused by many different things. Family, work, stress, etc. are often involved, but internal factors such as one's own unrealistic expectations and fear of weakness can also make relationships with one's spouse difficult. there is.
Effects of being lonely even when married
Loneliness is mentally difficult. It's also something that many people don't talk about. Unfortunately, research shows that these emotions have a negative impact on our physical and mental health. Some of the ways loneliness affects you include:
- Increase in alcohol and drug use
- Increased risk of depression
- decreased immunity
- low overall happiness
- Higher risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke
Feeling lonely can affect your well-being in other ways as well. Feeling lonely in your marriage may make it difficult for you to take steps to improve your health, such as exercising and eating a healthy diet. It can also affect your sleep, cause stress and negative thoughts, and harm your health.
What to do if you are married but lonely
If you're feeling lonely and isolated in your marriage, there are things you can do to feel more connected. It is important to find out the cause of the problem, discuss it with your spouse, and spend more quality time together.
talk to your spouse
First, it's important to talk to your partner about how you're feeling and see if they're experiencing the same thing. If you're both feeling lonely, there are things you can do together to build deeper connections.
If this feeling of loneliness is one-sided, it may be more difficult to deal with. If you still feel lonely despite the emotional support of your partner, there may be something else within you that needs to be addressed.
avoid blame
In order to overcome loneliness, it is important not to assign responsibility. As a result, your partner may feel attacked and become defensive.
Instead of building the conversation around what your spouse isn't doing ("You never ask me about my day!"), focus on talking about your own feelings and needs ("You never ask me about my day!"). I was feeling lonely and it would be helpful if you could hear about my experiences and feelings.''
spend more time together
Another important step is to spend quality time with your spouse. You may not be able to concentrate on your love life because you are busy with your daily life, such as family and work5. Try to find ways to strengthen your bond as a couple, such as setting aside time for dates, going to bed at the same time, and talking about your daily life.
It is also effective to limit your use of social media. As this study suggests, heavy use of social media can contribute to increased feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also contribute to having unrealistic expectations about your relationships. Looking at filtered highlights of other people's lives and relationships can make you feel less positive about your own life.
Limiting your social media use also has other benefits, such as allowing you to spend more time with your partner. If you find yourself scrolling through your newsfeed instead of talking to your partner, consider putting down your phone instead to create time and space to focus on each other.
seek professional help
If loneliness is still causing you problems, you may want to consider talking to a therapist to find out why you're lonely even though you're married. Couples therapy is highly effective and can address issues related to trust, intimacy, empathy, and communication. A therapist can help you deepen your connection, develop stronger communication skills, and address underlying issues that may be holding your marriage back.
This is a review. If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, you can take steps to resolve the issue. Talking to your spouse is an essential first step. Also, spending more time together can help you feel more connected. Couples therapy can also help improve many aspects of your relationship.
in conclusion
Remember that every marriage is different. And every relationship has its natural ebbs and flows, and there may be periods within it when you feel less connected.
If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, it is important to think about what is causing it and take measures. By knowing the truth about the problem now, you can build a healthier relationship.
