Fearful-avoidant attachment is one of the four adult attachment styles. People with this insecure attachment style have a strong desire for close relationships, but are distrustful of others and fearful of intimacy.
As a result, people with fear-avoidant attachment tend to avoid the relationships they crave.
This article reviews the history of attachment theory, outlines the four adult attachment styles, and explains how fearful-avoidant attachment develops. It also explains how fearful-avoidant attachment affects individuals and discusses how people can cope with this attachment style.
History of attachment theory
Psychologist John Bowlby published his attachment theory in 1969 to explain the bond that infants and young children form with their caregivers. He suggested that by being responsive, caregivers can give babies a sense of security, and as a result, they can explore the world with confidence.
In the 1970s, Bowlby's colleague Mary Ainsworth expanded on his ideas and identified three infant attachment patterns, describing both secure and insecure attachment styles.
The idea that people fit into specific attachment categories was thus key to the work of scholars who extended the idea of attachment to adults.
Model of adult attachment style
Hazan and Shaver (1987) were the first to clarify the relationship between attachment styles in children and adults.
Hazan and Shaver's three-class relationship model
Bowlby argued that people develop working models of attachment relationships during childhood that are retained throughout life. These working models influence the way people behave and experience their adult relationships.
Based on this idea, Hazan and Shaver developed a model that divided adult romantic relationships into three categories. However, this model did not include the fearful-avoidant attachment style.
Bartholomew and Horowitz's four-class model of adult attachment
In 1990, Bartholomew and Horowitz proposed a four-category model of adult attachment styles and introduced the concept of fearful-avoidant attachment.
Bartholomew and Horowitz's classification is based on a combination of two working models: whether we feel worthy of love and support and whether we feel that others can be trusted and available.
This resulted in four adult attachment styles, one secure style, and three insecure styles.
adult attachment style
The attachment styles outlined by Bartholomew and Horowitz are:
secure
People with a secure attachment style believe that they are worthy of love and that others are trustworthy and responsive. As a result, while they feel comfortable building close relationships, they also feel secure enough to be alone.
Priocupide
People with preconceived notions believe that they are unworthy of love, but generally feel that others are supportive and accepting. As a result, these people seek validation and self-acceptance through relationships with others.
This Age Avoidance
People with dismissive-avoidant attachment have self-esteem, but they don't trust others. As a result, they tend to underestimate the value of intimate relationships and avoid them.
avoidance of fear
People with fearful-avoidant attachment combine the preoccupation style of anxious attachment with the dismissive-avoidant style. They believe that they are unlovable and do not trust others to support and accept them. Thinking that they will eventually be rejected by others, they withdraw from relationships.
But at the same time, they crave close relationships because being accepted by others makes them feel better about themselves.
As a result, their behavior may confuse friends and romantic partners. They may encourage intimacy at first, and then retreat emotionally or physically as they begin to feel vulnerable in the relationship.
Development of fearful-avoidant attachment
Fear-avoidant attachment is often rooted in childhood when at least one parent or caregiver exhibited fearful behavior. These horrifying behaviors can range from overt abuse to subtle signs of anxiety and uncertainty, but the result is the same.
Even when children approach their parents for comfort, parents are unable to provide them with comfort. Because the caregiver does not provide a secure base and may serve as a source of distress for the child, the child's impulses may be to approach the caregiver for comfort, but then withdraw.
People who retain this working model of attachment into adulthood will exhibit the same urges to move toward and away from their interpersonal relationships with friends, spouses, partners, co-workers, and children.
Effects of fearful/avoidant attachment
People with fearful-avoidant attachment want to build strong interpersonal relationships, but they also want to protect themselves from rejection. As a result, they seek companionship but avoid true commitment or quickly leave the relationship if it becomes too intimate.
People with fearful-avoidant attachments experience a variety of problems because they believe that others will hurt them and that they are inadequate in relationships.
For example, studies have shown a link between fearful-avoidant attachment and depression.
According to research by Van Buren and Cooley and Murphy and Bates, it is the negative self-views and self-criticism associated with fearful-avoidant attachment that make people with this attachment style more susceptible to depression, social anxiety, and general negative emotions. It turns out that it is.
However, other research has shown that, compared to other attachment styles, fearful-avoidant attachments predict having more lifetime sexual partners and being more likely to consent to unwanted sex.
Dealing with fear-avoidance attachments
There are ways to deal with the challenges that come with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. These are:
Know your attachment style
If you identify with the Fear-Avoidant Attachment description, read more, as this gives you insight into the patterns and thought processes that may be preventing you from getting what you want from love and life. Useful for learning.
Keep in mind that each adult attachment classification is wide-ranging and may not perfectly describe your behavior or feelings.
Still, you can't change your patterns if you're not aware of them, so learning which attachment style works best for you is the first step.
Setting and communicating boundaries in relationships
If you're afraid that you'll become withdrawn by talking too much about yourself too quickly in your relationship, try taking things slow. Let your partner know that it's easiest to open up to them little by little over time.
Also, by telling them what you're worried about and what you can do to feel better, you can build a more secure relationship.
be kind to yourself
People with fearful-avoidant attachment may think negatively about themselves and are often self-critical.
It helps you learn to talk to yourself like you talk to your friends. By doing so, you can have compassion and understanding for yourself while suppressing self-criticism.
undergo therapy
It may also be helpful to discuss fear-avoidant attachment issues with a counselor or therapist.
However, research has shown that people with this attachment style tend to avoid intimacy, even with their therapists, which can hinder therapy.
Therefore, it is important to seek out a therapist who has experience successfully treating people with fearful-avoidant attachment and who knows how to overcome this potential therapeutic obstacle.
