How to put up with your lover's cheating/infidelity, and what to do when you can't stand it
``I discovered my husband was cheating, how long should I put up with it?'' When I look at love counseling sites and love-hunting bulletin boards, I often see questions like this. Some people maintain their status quo because they don't know what to do when they encounter cheating or extramarital affairs that are being discussed in the public. In addition, although they would like to stop their lover from cheating, many people choose to "put up with it" in order to enjoy a stable and comfortable life.
It is true that it takes a lot of time and effort to thoroughly resolve your lover's cheating/infidelity. In addition, it is said in the world that ``cheating is instinctual'' and ``cheating can't be cured,'' so even if a lover's cheating is discovered, the betrayed person may continue to cheat, thinking that ``I won't get over it even if I say it.'' You may be hesitant to investigate and hold back. However, it may not be so easy for the person who has been cheated on to put up with it. Therefore, this article will introduce tips on how to put up with your lover's cheating/infidelity.
What to do when you want to put up with your lover's cheating/infidelity
First, try to distance yourself from your lover.
Even if you try to put up with it, you may not be able to put up with it if you see signs that your lover is in love with a cheating partner. When you see your lover contacting someone via LINE or email, you can't help but think, ``Are you going to contact the cheating partner again?'' and it becomes mentally painful. If your lover isn't by your side, you'll worry that you might be dating someone else of the opposite sex, and you won't be able to sleep even if you want to. When you realize that you've been cheated on, just thinking about your lover can fill you with anxiety.
At that time, if possible, it is better to look for some reason and give yourself a cooling off period to calm your mind. Let go of your lover's cheating, reduce the number of interactions between the two of you, change your attitude in order to make your current relationship last, and minimize the negative effects of cheating.
2. Distract yourself with hobbies, work, travel, etc.
Another way to avoid cheating is to focus on other interesting things without thinking about your relationship. For example, if you are busy every day and get absorbed in your work, you will be able to relieve your pain and loneliness, and you will be seen as a hard worker who is enthusiastic about work and will be respected by those around you.
You can use your lover's affair as an opportunity to look for hobbies other than love, or to start studying that will be useful for your hobbies or work. If you have a hobby that you're passionate about, it's not strange to focus on that rather than your lover's affair.
If work and hobbies are not enough, you can use traveling as a way to change your mood and enjoy shopping, sports, etc. while on the road to enrich your life.
3. Find someone to talk to about cheating from the people around you.
Some people think, ``Since someone cheated on me, why not cheat on me too?'' However, if you start cheating on yourself while putting up with your lover's cheating, it will only make the relationship worse. Self-control is the most important thing when it comes to putting up with your lover's cheating/infidelity. Don't despair and do something impossible because of your lover's betrayal.
If you're really worried about being cheated on, why not talk to someone? Having someone nearby who you can consult with about cheating can help you assess the current situation, and also give you tips on what to do if someone cheats on you. They may also answer questions such as ``How should I hold back?'' and ``To what extent should I hold back?'' However, in order to avoid disclosing the fact that your lover is cheating on others, you should choose the person you want to talk to about cheating carefully.
Is it not enough to just be patient? It is not good to put up with your lover's cheating/infidelity too much.
Many people choose to "put up with it," but it is important to note that simply choosing "to put up with it" will not solve the problem. The reason is that even if you put up with it, the fact that your lover cheated on you will not change. Therefore, don't put up with cheating too much in order to maintain the status quo. Even if you want to pretend that your lover's affair never happened and continue living as usual, you will start to feel mentally exhausted and will no longer be able to enjoy every day as much as you used to. And nothing can compensate for that pain. If you just put up with it, neither you nor your lover will be able to get out of the morass of cheating.
Not only that, but if you put up with it for a while and check on the cheating situation and check your lover's behavior, it will be somewhat useful for future cheating investigations and gathering evidence of cheating, but if you put up with the cheating behavior until it exceeds the limit, it will be a big problem. It's stressful and can lead to a lot of trouble. Even though people often say that "patience is a virtue," we should not ignore the disadvantages of "patience."
Tragedy may occur if you tolerate cheating/infidelity too much.
1. Every day is painful and I'm afraid I'll explode.
If you put up with the cheating, there is a high chance that the person being cheated on will have a hard time every day. If you don't solve your problems, your stress will build up, and you won't be able to release your stress unless your partner stops cheating on you. However, if you continue to push yourself to the limit, you may become physically ill and your anger may explode, leading to violent incidents. Even if you try to keep things as they are and put up with it, someday you may lose control of yourself and start taking revenge on the two of you who cheated on you.
2. Leave your lover and cheating partner alone
The cheated on partner may put up with the temporary affair, thinking, ``It's just a game, so I wonder if my partner will eventually give up on me and come back to be by my side.'' However, holding back can actually encourage cheating, as it makes your lover think that he won't be persistently criticized for cheating. Because the lover is not punished appropriately for cheating, even if the lover gets tired of the current affair, he or she may start looking for a new playmate and end up cheating. Then your patience will be meaningless.
3. Spreading the negative effects of cheating and adultery
``It's embarrassing to be cheated on, and the fewer people know about it, the better, right?'' Some people may have this mindset and hide their cheating without pointing out that their lover is cheating. I can understand why you don't want to find out about your affair because you don't want the people around you to know about it, but I can't guarantee that you won't find out if you don't discuss it with your partner.
It's possible that your partner's parents or co-workers have already discovered the affair. However, even if someone else finds out about your lover's cheating, you are not the one being cheated on, so they do not have the "authority" to point out your lover's cheating behavior and completely stop it. In that case, if you are unable to hold back and face your lover's betrayal, it will only have a negative impact on your future life.
If you can't hold back, you don't have to hold back.
Collection of cheating evidence
Start collecting evidence of cheating even if you are putting up with it. Two people who have cheated on each other cannot easily admit the fact that they have cheated on each other. For example, your cheating partner may come back at you with various counterarguments. In order to resolve a cheating case smoothly, it is necessary to prepare evidence of cheating in advance that can prove that the two people are having an affair. If you use cheating investigation methods such as checking your lover's LINE or tracking your lover's cheating using GPS, you can collect a lot of cheating information and gain an advantage in discussions about cheating.
talk about cheating
Once you have the evidence of cheating and are ready, start a confrontation without holding back. Take advantage of the opportunity to have a discussion, blame your lover, make him feel guilty, and make him regret his own affair. Tell them about the discovery of the affair, the pain and severity of the time, and tell them your wish to stop the affair and never have contact with the cheating partner again.
This is the time when all the emotional stuff you've been holding back comes out of your head, so you might lose your cool during the discussion and not be able to proceed smoothly. To make the most of this opportunity, talk to your lover as calmly as possible.
It is possible to request compensation
If the other party is having an affair, you can impose sanctions on the cheating partner by filing a claim for compensation. This can be said to be compensation for the pain of being cheated on, but in order to claim alimony for infidelity, it is necessary to prove the act of infidelity and collect conclusive evidence of infidelity, and it is necessary to make a judgment on the amount of alimony. also depends on various circumstances. Please be careful.
If it doesn't get better, divorce or separation are options.
Rather than enduring the pain of being cheated on by your lover and having to endure your partner's betrayal, it is better to avoid future pain by choosing to break up or get a divorce now. Some people think that once you bring up the breakup/divorce, everything is over, but this opportunity can help you overcome the pain of cheating. After ending your past relationship, aim for a lover who won't cheat on you, make new plans, and start a new life.
