Open Maria was once considered taboo, but now it accounts for 4-9% of all women.
Married people may think about opening up their marriage. At this point, it is very important to take a few simple steps to make your relationship a success.
In this article, we'll explain what an open marriage is, how to set boundaries, and what to do if you decide to open up your relationship with your partner.
What is an open marriage?
Open marriage is a type of ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Unlike other forms of ENM, such as polyamory, which seek to establish additional partners within the relationship, open marriage generally focuses only on external sexual connections.
While couples can confirm that it's okay to pursue romantic and emotional connections in addition to sexual connections, the key to an open marriage (or any open relationship) is that: It means prioritizing your primary relationship over any other connections.
research
If you've read this article, you've already taken the first steps necessary to make your open marriage a success. But there are more steps you can take to understand the ins and outs of an open marriage.
Here are some ways to find out about Open Maria.
Purchase some books on the subject do. Read books on the subject, such as Open:Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage by Jenny Block or A Happy Life in an Open Relationship:The Essential Guide to a Healthy and Fulfilling Nonmonogamous Love Life by Susan Wenzel. Let's read the book.
other Talk to people. If you know a couple who is open to it, let's chat.
virtual Find a group Find local or virtual meetup groups for open marriage couples.
download podcast Listen to podcasts about open marriage, including “Opening Up: behind the scenes of our open marriage” and “The Monogamish Marriage.”
Make sure it's what you both want
Once you and your partner fully understand and are comfortable with the concept of an open marriage, you should discuss it with each other to see if it is right for you. It won't work unless one person is completely on board.
Once you've talked about it, if one or both of you are unsure whether opening up your marriage is the right step, it may be helpful for you both to talk to a therapist.
You may want to find a therapist who affirms the non-monogamous relationship model.
share your goals
Now, after you've done your research and are sure that starting your marriage is the right choice for you, it's time to communicate your goals.
All elements of an open marriage require open communication with the primary partner. This step will help you get into the habit of talking about your relationship more often.
listen to and affirm what the other person has to say
It's a new theme, so it should be exciting. Therefore, you may want to talk about your goals a lot. However, this is a good time to learn how to listen and affirm the other person.
When the other person points out something, it is effective to acknowledge it with something like "I heard you say..." and summarize what you think the other person said. This should be a two-way street, and your partner should also listen and affirm what you have to say about your goals.
decide on a goal
Once you've shared what you want from this new behavior, it's important that you both agree. If one person has a goal and the other doesn't share it, things won't work out.
At first, you'll want to narrow your goals down to what you agree to, even if it means that that's not all you'll ultimately get from this new arrangement.
Once you have decided on your goals, it is also effective to confirm them with each other over and over again. If one of you has a poor memory, it may be a good idea to put the agreed upon goals in writing.
Establishing rules and boundaries
This next step is probably the most important of all (aside from actually adhering to the rules and boundaries you created together, of course).
For an open marriage to be successful, the two of you need to work together to decide on rules to ensure each other's mental and physical safety.
physical security
“Physical safety” here has several different meanings. Here, we will introduce how to make it happen together.
- Safe sex practices. Decide what safety precautions you and your partner will take during and after sexual intercourse with others. Should.
- living space. Should I bring another partner into the house? Can you tell me where you live? In these cases, you and your partner should agree on what to do with your home.
- physical boundaries. Decide in advance what intimate activities you can or will be able to do with others for everyone's sake. Or do you refrain from having sex between just the two of you? Do you and your partner talk or not before getting intimate with a new person? These need to be determined in advance.
emotional boundary
As mentioned above, Open Marias often value external physical connections rather than romantic or emotional ones. But it's up to you and your partner to decide what is and isn't allowed while connecting with another person.
These are questions we want to answer together.
- Do you email or call the people you meet and chat with them?
- Will we say “I love you” to other political parties?
- Can I share intimate information about my marriage with others?
time investment
To achieve this, it is essential that you both decide together how much time you will spend with others. Some people may see people every night, some once a year, and some in between.
Express how much you each want or don't want to interact with people outside your relationship, and agree on a time that seems appropriate for both of you.
regular check-ins
Communication with your spouse doesn't end once you start dating someone else! In fact, you need to do it as often and consistently as you did before you started your marriage.
Check-ins don't always have to be therapy-style at-home conversations. You can check in anywhere you can feel the bond between husband and wife, such as a restaurant or a park.
Prioritize your spouse needs
No matter how much fun you have with others, you should always remember the importance of the master-servant relationship.
There may be ups and downs as one of you gets excited about someone new, or one of you breaks up. However, there are also situations where we defer to the primary relationship as necessary to ensure its success, such as when a loved one becomes ill.
Your partner's birthday, holidays, family meals, important doctor's appointments, and child discipline are examples of when you should prioritize your spouse over secondary relationships.
Open marriages aren't the easiest relationship model, but many people find them very rewarding. These tools will put you on the path to success.
in conclusion
While an open marriage may be a good choice for a couple, it should not be used to try to save a marriage. If you feel your marriage is headed for divorce, there are many better options, including couples counseling. Opening up your marriage will only complicate an already difficult situation.
