If you end up dating someone who has anxiety, it's natural to feel anxious. Seeing someone else anxious can make you feel upset and anxious, whether or not you become anxious yourself.
You may also be worried about the future of your relationship. How does your partner's anxiety affect your daily life together? What should you do if you start having anxiety spirals or panic attacks? Can you handle it?
Let's take a look at the ins and outs of dating someone with anxiety, including what you need to know about anxiety disorders, how it affects your intimate relationships, and how to support someone with anxiety.
Take time to learn about anxiety disorders
If you're dating someone who has anxiety, one of the easiest and most supportive things you can do is learn a little about anxiety and anxiety disorders.
Many of us have this idea that what we're worried about may not correspond to reality, so it's helpful to clarify that. Understanding anxiety also makes you more empathetic.
Prevalence
First, it's good to know that anxiety is very common and almost everyone will experience an anxiety disorder at least once in their life.
The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 19% of adults have experienced an anxiety disorder in the past year, and 31% of adults will experience an anxiety disorder during their lifetime. Furthermore, anxiety disorders are said to be more common in women than in men.
Having an anxiety disorder is not a weakness, nor is it caused by poor choices. Anxiety isn't just a matter of your imagination.
People who experience anxiety often have a genetic predisposition, and anxiety disorders often run in families. Environmental factors and chemical imbalances may also play a role.
symptoms
Anxiety manifests itself differently in each person. Not everyone who suffers from anxiety is considered to be a "nervous" person. Some people who experience anxiety may appear calm on the outside, but internally they feel more symptoms.
For some people, anxiety can make daily life extremely difficult, while others live with a higher functioning type of anxiety.
Symptoms of anxiety can be physical, mental, and emotional. Typical symptoms of anxiety include:
- rapid heart rate
- Difficulty breathing
- Sweat
- nausea
- I have a bad stomach
- muscle tension
- Thoughts on the race
- panic or sense of impending doom
- Flashbacks of traumatic or difficult experiences
- insomnia
- nightmare
- I can't stay still
- obsessions and compulsions
types of anxiety
It's also good to know that there are several types of anxiety disorders. For example, not all people with anxiety will experience panic attacks. Additionally, some people with anxiety disorders have difficulty socializing, while others do not. It all depends on what kind of anxiety disorder you have and how you experience it.
It is the most common anxiety disorder.
- generalized anxiety disorder
- panic disorder
- phobia (phobia)
- Agoraphobia
- separation anxiety disorder
How to support your partner with anxiety
If you are close to someone with an anxiety disorder, you may feel at a loss as to what to do. They know that often what they are experiencing is irrational and their current perception of reality may not be completely accurate. Are you telling me this? How can you make the other person feel better without minimizing their feelings?
There are concrete things you can do to create a "safe space" for people who are feeling anxious. Here are some tips.
Realize that you are not disabled
In your own mind and in your interactions with the other person, try to think of the other person's anxiety disorder as different from your own. While it does add color to life, it is a disability, not a condition.
People who experience anxiety are much more than their anxiety, and a more compassionate approach is to treat them as people who happen to have an anxiety disorder.
stop blaming
Anxiety has genetic, biochemical, and environmental components, so remember that your partner didn't choose to feel this way. Also, anxiety is not something you embrace to manipulate people or ruin your plans.
However, anxiety disorders are not something you can control.
Understand that there are certain triggers
The best way to deal with your partner's anxiety is to understand its triggers. People with anxiety usually know what it's like to find themselves in a spiral of anxiety.
While we can't protect against all triggers, it can be helpful to help people live more sensitively around them. You can also understand why your partner's anxiety increases at certain times.
Be an open-minded listener
One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone who is feeling anxious is to empathize and listen. Managing anxiety disorders can be isolating and humiliating.
Having someone to talk to honestly about your experiences and feelings can be really positive and healing, especially if that person listens with empathy and without judgment.
As a listener, remember that it's important to just be there for the other person, rather than offering suggestions, advice, or trying to "solve" or "fix" something.
Words to use when your partner is feeling anxious
When you're helping your partner deal with an anxiety episode, you may be at a loss for what to say. After all, you don't want to say anything that will make the other person feel even more anxious.
Here are some ideas for what to say in times like these.
- “I’m here and I’m listening.”
- “I know you’re excited.”
- "it's okay"
- “It’s a big deal for you right now.”
- “I know your strength”
- “Shall we sit together?”
- "I'm here, you're not alone"
- “Is there anything I can do?”
things not to say
On the other hand, there are times when you feel like saying something that is completely unhelpful and may actually make the other person more anxious.
Here we will introduce what kinds of things you should avoid saying.
- “There is nothing to fear”
- “It makes no sense”
- “Calm down!”
- “I’m panicking for no reason.”
- “This is what I would do if I were you...”
- “What you are feeling is not rational”
- “It’s all in your head.”
Workaround
Research has revealed a link between anxiety disorders and heightened relationship stress. However, research also shows that managing anxiety through communication and support can be of considerable help.
It's also important to understand that addressing your partner's anxiety is not something you can do alone. Having mental health support for both your partner and yourself can be extremely beneficial.
Encourage your partner to get help
If your partner's anxiety is not only affecting your relationship, but also their life, you may consider encouraging them to get help. I want to frame it as kindly as possible so that I can empathize with it.
You want your partner to know that they don't need to be "fixed," but rather that getting help can be empowering and positive.
The two most effective treatments for anxiety are therapy and medication. Although treatment alone is effective for some people, a combination of treatment and medication is often most effective.
The most common treatments used to treat anxiety are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy. Medications used to treat anxiety include anxiolytics such as benzodiazepines, antidepressants (SSRIs), and beta-blockers.
Sort out your feelings about your partner's anxiety
Dating someone with an anxiety disorder can be difficult, and they may react violently to what's happening to them. This is normal and understandable. It's important to take time to practice self-care and self-compassion.
If you find it difficult to cope or have unhelpful reactions to your partner's anxiety, you may want to consider counseling or therapy.
Consider group therapy
Communication is key when you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling with an anxiety disorder. Sometimes outside help may be needed to resolve communication issues.
In this case, group therapy and counseling can be effective. You and the other person will become more open and understanding, and you will learn more effective communication techniques.
in conclusion
Some of the most creative, sensitive, and loving people have anxiety disorders, and it's likely that you'll date someone with an anxiety disorder at some point in your life. It can be difficult to develop a successful relationship with someone who has anxiety, but the rewards can be great if you make the effort.
In fact, understanding someone with anxiety and learning how to communicate more effectively can deepen the bond between the two of you and create a fuller, more intimate relationship. Don't let your anxiety disorder stop you from pursuing a promising relationship.
